Rantings of the Mary Sues
by KatelynGibbs
Summary: Two 21st century girls end up in the Manga-verse and it takes them a little while to realize this fact. Cue trouble-making, character-mocking, and a lot of attempts to confuse the canon characters. Which really doesn't work on Sebastian. Pure utter crack.
1. The Freak Show Is In The Building

**A/N: **So, this is my very first joint project, and we'll post a sequel (yes, we're already planning a new one, that's how little of a social life either of us has) eventually. This first one is on my account, and the second will be on ResidentPyromaniac's page. My character is Ravi, and hers is Eila (Yes, they're Hindi and Irish. Very much so. I'm not Hindi, although it would rock to be, and Pyro can be pretty Irish, but usually she's just Russian.)

Now, some important things to note; 1) Don't send us reviews complaining about our characters being Mary Sues, because if you've read the title, you've been forewarned, and besides, our Mary Sues aren't nearly as bad as most are. They're actually blatant self-inserts with a whole lot of self-mocking, in other words, they're funny if you give them a chance. 2) Don't worry about there being no canon characters yet, they will arrive fairly soon, probably second chapter. 3) There will be some minor alterations of canon, but only as much as necessary to allow our characters room to exist and cause just a little bit of mischief. 4) We're working entirely off of the manga canon. There will be no Angela, Trancy, or Drocell (despite Pyro being a little upset about that, but there is Snake, so she'll be okay).

So, the very last thing to keep in mind is that this story is really meant as crack and for the amusement of other (think _Where In The World Is Harry Potter_ if you've ever read it).

Pyro's never read that fic, so don't feel left out if you haven't. But it is hilarious.

And despite this being crack, we're actually trying to keep things and people in canon, so if you have any constructive criticism, we would love to hear it. And feel free to correct our grammar or spelling, Pyro tends to bash her head into the wall when she misses something obvious, and it's really freakin' funny to watch. (Yes I'm a terrible friend, but so is she, so it all works out.) And I think you've figured out by now that just because this is crack and a Mary Sue fic, doesn't mean we're going to abandon the laws of the English language.

And now onto my final statement, we promise not to ramble like this in the Author's notes again, but we wanted everyone to be prepared for what they were getting themselves into. And if you decided to skip over this whole thing because you decided it was too long, you're screwed, and we will publicly laugh at anyone who flames us for Mary Sue'ing. We hope you have as much fun reading this as we had writing it. Of course, if you do, I seriously recommend a psychiatrist, because you're probably as screwed up as us.

~KatelynGibbs

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><p>Most people would be concerned at seeing a teenage girl walking down the street dressed in black, chains, spikes, leather, and tattooed enough to put an artist to shame. However, the citizens in this neighborhood were more than used to it. The young woman had grown up in this area and the people had watched her slowly transform into the rather…unconventional…girl that she was now.<p>

She was carrying a ragged and heavily embroidered black backpack and walking down the street with a look of intense concentration on her face. She was muttering quietly under her breath and scribbling into a notepad as she passed a teenage boy on the street.

"Hey! Ravi! You got a minute?" He called, waving at her. "I need some help with my math homework!"

"Not now Evan!" She yelled back, breaking into a run as she snapped her notebook closed with finality. "I think I just figured out how to make a tear in the space-time continuum and create temporary wormholes that will transport matter into parallel dimensions! I might be able to trans-mutate the fourth string theory into a single, plausible theory of everything in the universe!"

"But Ravi, I have a test tomorrow!" Complained Evan.

"And I might have a Nobel Prize by morning!" Shouted Ravi. "I'll write you a note so you can get out of school and you can take the test next week!" And then she turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

**BOSE-EINSTEIN-CONDENSATE**

Eila stomped through the hall of her house, stumbling over the furry little streak that darted across her path. "Damnit Jack!" she grumbled in exasperation, throwing her arms out into the air to catch herself. She dug through the pockets of her khaki cargo pants for a moment before retrieving a rather crumbled dog treat. "Here, ya little furry nutcase, I have a cookie!"

The Jack Russell Terrier, summoned by the magical word 'cookie', appeared almost instantly. "Here you go," Eila said kindly, tossing the treat in the dog's general direction. "Now get out of my face a bit, okie?" Jack barked, or attempted to through a mouthful of dog treat, and scampered off.

Eila shook her head at the inanity of her pet and collapsed onto the couch. Or tried to. Unfortunately, the couch seemed to have been removed in favor of something rather like stone. Her breath was forced out of her lungs with a huff and she blinked a few times. Her house had been replaced by cold gray stone walls and fog and horse drawn carriages.

She noticed that she was getting a few strange looks, but she didn't mind that much. She'd gotten plenty of strange looks in college. The Victorian era street, however, _was_ a little unsettling and she glanced around curiously as she got her breath back.

_Well_, she thought, _this is weird._ After a moment of contemplation, she decided that it would probably be a good idea to get off the main street and into a side alley. Blue hair and casual 21st century clothing did not make blending in easy.

She'd been confronted with several unexpected events in the past few minutes. Unfortunately, that didn't prepare her for being tackled by a small child when she got about five feet into the alleyway. She didn't fall, being used to random 'attacks' from young neighbors and the dogs she sometimes watched.

"Go 'way!" a thin, lisping voice came from inside a makeshift hut of scrap wood. "Nobo'ys allowed!"

"But I'm a girl…" Eila responded, somewhat confused by both the voice-from-the-hut and the small child clinging stubbornly to her waist in a poorly-planned attempt to keep her immobile.

The speaker emerged from the hut, another small child in tattered clothes. She looked to be about seven years old, and was covered in what appeared to be approximately seven years' worth of dirt. "Nobo'y allowed! Not boys or girls or things!" She insisted.

The boy attached to Eila's waist seemed to realize the futility of his plan and stepped back a bit to get a good look at her. "You have funny hair," he announced.

"You have funny eyes," Eila instinctively retorted, momentarily forgetting about the girl.

"You have funny clothes."

"You have funny ears."

"You have a funny voice."

"You have a funny face!"

The boy grinned widely. "I like her," he said to the girl in the hut. "Can we keep her?"

"Nobo'y allowed," the girl insisted. "Will tol' me!"

"Who's Will?" Eila asked, trying to get a foothold in whatever argument was sure to arise.

"Will tells us what to do," the boy said. At the exact same time, the girl shouted, "None of yer business, la'y!" The two children glared at each other for a minute before bursting into an incoherent yelling match.

Eila tried to follow their argument for a moment, but gave up once she realized that it largely consisted of "Aurgheablarhg!" and similar noises.

"Anne! Henry!" An unfamiliar voice erupted behind Eila, making her jump slightly in surprise. It did much the same to the children, who instantly shut up.

A teenage boy, roughly sixteen years old, moved out of Eila's blind spot and into the alley, grabbing Henry by the collar and Anne by the shirtsleeve and dragging them both over to the hut. "But Will!" Protested Anne. "You told us nobo'y allowe' in here, an' I tol' her that, but she came in anyway!"

"I don't care! You guys know how important it is for us to stick together!" retorted Will firmly. "No fighting within the ranks. If there's a problem, you're supposed to contain it and wait for me."

"Well…" Henry began tentatively. "You're here now… Can we keep her?"

Will glanced back at Eila briefly, and then did a double take at the sight of her hair. "I don't know yet. You guys go run and help the others bring in dinner, and let me talk to her." The kids nodded and scampered off into the fog.

"Uh…" Eila said, still a bit unsure of what had just happened. "Hello? I'm guessing you're Will."

"You have blue hair," Will stated without bothering with the introductions.

"You have brown hair," Eila replied, "I don't get this game. Did I win?"

Will raised an eyebrow and she could tell he was fighting to hold back his amusement. "You're not from the streets are you?" he asked wryly. "You bloody well don't look like a lady, but you talk like one."

Eila wasn't sure if he was trying to provoke her or if this was just the way he talked. "I'm actually a bit surprised you can tell through my accent." She replied calmly, deciding that on the off chance he was trying to get a rise out of her, she wasn't going to play along. "And just because I'm not from the same place as you doesn't mean I'm useless, thank you very much."

He looked mildly impressed and she mentally patted herself on the back. "Look, I don't know who you are or what you're doing here, but I'm not putting any of these kids in danger by dragging along someone who wouldn't last two minutes on their own. Henry wants to know if you can stay. Do you want to?"

Eila shrugged. "Well, I don't really have anywhere else to go in the foreseeable future."

Will huffed. "You're talking like you had an education." He muttered. "Try not to talk like that around the kids, you'll just confuse them."

"My normal way of talking would confuse them more." She pointed out reasonably.

He rolled his eyes to show his absolute apathy towards anything she might have trouble with. "Well if you want to stick around, you better prove to me that you're not going to drag us down. We're only as strong as our weakest kid, and I'm _not_ risking these kids."

Eila bit back a giggle, thinking to herself _I hold my own in mosh pits, kid. This, I can handle_. "Fine. What do you want me to do?"

"We're a little short on food today. You're job is to make sure I don't have to ration it out tonight." He replied smugly.

"Does that mean I have to make sure the kids think it's fair or something?" She questioned, frowning.

"No." Will's tone made it clear he thought this was possibly the stupidest question he'd ever heard. "It means you get more food, about five kids worth if you think you can make it. Otherwise, you're on your own."

Eila grinned in the way that her friends had long ago dubbed the 'Challenge accepted' face.

**MOO-MOOCOW-COWHIDE-HIDEANDSEEK-SEEKANDYESHALLFIND**

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><p><strong>AN: **Just an interesting tidbt, Pyro was extremely happy to find out that our chapter (not including all these idiotic notes) is exactly 1500 words. Her face was remarkably similar to Finny's sparkly-eyes look. I think she thought it was better than sex. This worries me.


	2. Convenient Children

**A/N: **Okay, so we lied about the canon characters coming in this chapter. But they will be in next, I swear on the soul of my first born child! (Who hasn't been born yet, but that's hardly the point.) And Pyro swears on the soul of the chicken she ate for dinner last night. She says it was quite delicious. Somehow I get the feeling she's less serious than I am, but I promise to keep her on track. (Get back in your cage, Delilah!)

Also, Ravi does sometimes lapse into Hindi, starting in this chapter and continuing through the fic. We're assuming that anyone reading this story speaks about as much Hindi as we do. Which is none. So please forgive the horrible translation probably received from an online translator. We will, however, tell you at the beginning of the chapter, what she's saying, so that it's not just gibberish on the page. Unless it's a situation where you can guess from context that you really don't want to know. (Warning: If she's angry, you don't want to know. She'll be yelling at Baldroy in English later, and that should give you a hint as to _why_.)

In this case, **_he sundara_** means "hello beautiful" and yes, she's talking to the horse, because we all know she ain't talkin' to the cabbie. Besides, I like horses. Pyro doesn't, but she'll put up with them after a few legal contracts have been arranged on their behalf. (The last one she was near tried to eat her hair. I think that's a fair reason.)

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><p>Ravi stared at the herdsman who was running for his life, screaming something about demons and some hell-hath-come nonsense. She sighed, her shoulders drooping a little. "Well shit." She glanced over at the sheep next to her. "You know, two hundred years from now, there's going to be some religious cult about this."<p>

"Hey lady?"

Ravi sighed again. Of course there would be a small child in the vicinity to notice her (for some reason she failed to understand now) full scale Goth attire. She glanced down at her skull-and-roses tank top, black jeans covered in zippers and chains and buckles, and spiky leather cuffs. This probably wouldn't go well. "Yeah?"

"Are you here to tempt me into sin so you can steal my soul for the devil?" asked the little boy.

"No." She turned around to face him and saw his eyes widen at the sight of her fresh Henna tattoos. "I'm not. Why would I want your soul?"

"Because you're a demon, aren't you?"

"Who says I'm not an angel?" retorted Ravi.

"Angels wear white." He answered matter-of-factly. "You're not wearing white."

"Only classy angels wear white." She replied imperiously. "I'm far from classy. I'm on probation. That's why I'm down here. I'm supposed to live down here with the humans for a while to relearn some social skills."

"But demons are liars." Explained the child calmly. "How do I know you're not lying?"

"How about instead of telling me what demons do, you tell me something they can't do? And then I'll do it, and we can settle this whole discussion and I can get on with my assignment so that I don't get into any more trouble than I'm already in!"

The boy shrugged. "Demons can't hold a cross." He said, holding up a homemade wooden cross.

Ravi took the cross from his hand and turned it over on her palm. "Huh, nice craftsmanship. I like mine better though." She pulled an intricate ironwork cross out of her pocket and showed it to the kid. "See?" He gasped and reached out to touch it but then pulled his hand back quickly. Ravi rolled her eyes. "Here, you can have it." She sighed, giving it to him. "Does your mother have some normal clothes that I can wear? Anything that's old or worn out, I don't want to take anything she still needs."

"I'll get something." Agreed the boy. He ran back down the hill in the same direction as the shepherd. "Da, Da! I need clothes for the angel who gave me the pretty cross!"

She seriously considered leaving before the kid came back _just_ because of the way he'd phrased that. But it was too late and the shepherd had come back out of his house. He took one look at Ravi and then at the boy, who was apparently his son, and started yelling again, waving his arms frantically. The boy held the cross up to his father and the man took it, stared at it, and dropped to his knees. Ravi dropped her head into her hands in exasperation. Could her day possibly get any worse?

**RED-REDROVER-REDSKULL-REDSUN-REDSHIRT-OHSHI-**

"Hold this," Eila said casually, dropping a heavy bag into Will's arms. He stumbled a bit, obviously surprised. Eila looked at the assorted group by the makeshift hut. "All rightey. That's about... nine or so kids, not counting me and Will. Actually, I don't know how the politics of this whole thing work, so..." She turned to the confused teenager. "Help?"

He was still staring into the bag in a state of shock and Eila wondered briefly if she'd somehow managed to short-circuit the kid. "How the bloody hell did you get all this?"

The girl smiled broadly. "Well, you said to get enough for five kids," she commented mildly. Pulling a green glass sphere out of one of her larger pockets and rolling it back and forth on one hand, she added, "You'd be amazed at what people will give a circus freak."

"This is five? Where is this five? This is practically enough to feed all of London's underground!" exclaimed Will.

She grinned at him, shrugging innocently and replying in a sing-song voice. "Sheltered childhood, remember? Now, what's eatin'? I'm starving."

A small child, maybe four, tugged on her shirt hem gently. "How're you doin' tha' la'y?" he asked, his eyes wide as saucers.

"Magic." She answered calmly, pocketing the glass ball. She ruffled the kid's hair slightly, ignoring the fact that it clearly hadn't been washed in quite some time. "I can try to teach you later, if you want." The kid grinned widely and scampered back to the hut.

"I told you she was good!" Henry's voice echoed slightly from deep inside the hut. Eila caught herself halfway through a thought of _is it bigger on the inside or something? _and had to forcibly prevent herself from face-palming.

"Okay, here's how it's gonna go, guys!" announced Will, coming out of his shock long enough to return order to the alley. "Just because we've got more than usual doesn't mean we'll have enough tomorrow, so let's get anything that'll last put away and then I'll portion out the rest of it. Orderly lines, everyone!"

"Cute kids," Eila commented.

**FREEBIRD-BIRDBRAIN-BRAINFREEZE-FREEZEFRAME-I'VEBEENFRAMED!**

Several hours and a few profuse exclamations of adoration and requests for Ravi to speak to God on their behalf, the girl managed to escape the shepherd's family with clothes, food, blankets, and a horse. Much as she'd tried to convince them that she didn't need any of it. First thing she did was drop everything but one set of clothes, a blanket and a day's worth of food behind a cherry tree and hike the way into London.

Once there, it became obvious that it would have been wiser, if less polite, to keep all the stuff she'd been given. Because now she was broke and without anywhere to stay. Great. She dug through her bag for a moment and pulled out an apple, munching on it thoughtfully as she stood practically in the middle of the street, already having changed into her borrowed clothes.

A horse carriage came screeching to a stop right in front of her and she glanced up in surprise. "Hey lady, get out of the road!" shouted the driver, obviously slightly panicked by the fact that she hadn't moved at all and by the extensive henna tattoos covering her face and hands.

"Can I get a ride?" She asked without a pause.

"Are you mad, woman?"

"As a Hatter." She agreed simply, moving over to one of the horses and petting it's nose. "He sundara." She murmured in Hindi.

"Well then, you ain't gettin' a ride in my carriage!" snapped the man.

She glared at him and leaned up to whisper something in the horse's ear, then she slapped the horse's ass as hard as she could and sent them galloping off with the carriage rattling along behind it and the driver yelling and cursing loudly.

"Have a nice day!" Ravi called after him, adding 'asshole' under her breath.

So clearly she wasn't going to get anywhere with the people around here, unless she found more Hindis. Huh, well, that could work. She grinned happily and started skipping down the street, attracting a few curious glances and more than a few comments of _mad Hindoo_.

She vaguely remembered the area that had belonged to the Hindis in Victorian England and she quickly made her way through the streets. Slowly, the people around stopped wearing pompous British suits and were wearing more turbans, and she stopped skipping. Now for the hard part; finding a place to live.

Just then a pair of twin girls in saris crashed into her legs, giggling hysterically. "Latika! Satya! Come back here!" The mother called out in Hindi. As she got closer, she got a closer look at Ravi and looked horrified. The girl checked herself over quickly, looking for any remnants of Gothic attire, but there was none. "I'm so sorry! Oh, are you getting married today? I'm sorry my girls ran into you!"

"No, no, it's okay!" Ravi assured her quickly, assuming a very upset expression. "I'd rather not talk about it. Actually, I'm looking for work. Do you know anyone who needs a maid or something?"

"Oh you poor girl, this must be so difficult for you!" consoled the woman gently. "I really could use some extra help with my girls, they're just so troublesome. I can give you a room and food if you'll stay on and help."

"That's very sweet of you." Ravi smiled. _Well. Thank God for convenient children_.

**MOON-MOONWALK-WALKINGONSUNSHINE-SHINYHAPPYPEOPLE**

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><p><strong>AN: **Culture note: Indian women traditionally get really extensive Henna work done all over their bodies for the wedding day. I shall enjoy making Ravi suffer through the confusion that ensues. That should be a small comfort for the people who are annoyed by our Sues. Yes, luv, we do enjoy tormenting our own self-inserts, and we mock them more than you ever will. They're not supposed to be prefect, they're supposed to be funny. If you have suggestions on how to further this goal, we would love to hear them. This fic is pretty much anything goes.


	3. Oh Hi Canon! Nice Shirt, Is It New?

**A/N: **Congratulations. We felt guilty for not getting you any canon characters on the first take and figured it might be off-putting to most readers. So hopefully this and the next chapter will help settle that debt. But we are trying to maintain a chapter buffer so that we can continue posting a chapter a month or so after the initial onslaught, and posting four chapters on the first day may lengthen the next few uploads while we write more. We really are trying here folks, and I guarantee that once the characters _are_ introduced, they never go away and it picks up the pace a whole lot. You know how TV shows never replay their series premier? Well that's because beginnings are slow and tend to suck. Our sincerest apologies, and we hope you stick with us.

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><p>Eila woke the next morning to the sounds of furious shouting.<p>

"No! We won't let you take it!" she heard Henry's indignant voice yell. "It's our food! Not yours!" Confused and a bit groggy, Eila sat up to see Henry and two other kids elbow-to-elbow against teenagers who seemed at least twice their height.

_This... is not going to end well,_ Eila thought, starting to pull herself together. Sure enough, a moment later, one of the other kids shouted, "Yeah! If you want it, you gotta fight _us_ for it!"

The teenagers glanced at each other and laughed derisively. "I could eat you for breakfast, you little bite," laughed one of them. Then he reached out and shoved Henry, effectively breaking the human chain that blocked the entrance to the alley. And Eila's good-ol' Irish temper snapped.

"Hey you arrogant son-of-a-bitch!" shouted Eila, pushing herself to her feet and stalking towards the entrance. "Pick on someone your own size!"

The pimple-faced idiot grinned evilly. "Whatever you say lady," and started towards her.

Eila cracked her knuckles, smiling grimly. "Wrong choice, asshole." She informed him calmly and grabbed him by the ears, slamming her knee up into his...sensitive spot...and bashing her forehead into his nose before tossing him aside to the ground where he instantly curled up into the fetal position, nose gushing blood.

A teenage girl jumped forward, positively furious. "You bloody tramp!" she yelled, launching herself at Eila.

But before her nails could reach Eila's face, Will slammed into her from the side, knocking her to the ground and kicking her out towards her friends. "Well good morning Sunshine." He said to Eila sarcastically.

"I'm a heavy sleeper, check your six." She retorted, pointing behind him.

He nodded and whirled around, fist out, and punched the guy about to attack him from behind. The fight really got into full swing and Eila was impressed by the fact that she and Will were handling the growing crowd of teenagers with only minimal help from a couple of the older children and Henry, who was wandering around kicking the fallen and random shins without warning. At one point he aimed a kick at Eila and she clapped a hand on his head and turned him around quickly. "Not me, him."

"Okay!"

Eila shook her head in disbelief and turned her attention back just in time to roundhouse kick someone coming in on her nine o'clock. She felt arms wrap around her torso and a loud voice cackled, "Ha, I got ya, ya bloody freak, yer gonna pay fer startin' this."

"You know, you really should've grabbed my arms too." Replied Eila, and slammed her fist into the boy's face, judging it's position by where his voice was coming from. He fell down, eyes dazed. "Just for future reference." Eila shook her head in disgust. "Too easy."

Hands tangled in Eila's hair and tried to yank her to the ground, and she rolled her eyes. "Really? Just… Really?" She smashed her elbow into the solar plexus of the person, girl, who was behind her, and hooked her foot behind the girl's knees, knocking them out from under her for good measure.

"Let's get out of here, it's not worth it!" shouted one of the boys, blood dripping from a split lip where Will had punched him and a black eye where Eila had. "That bitch is crazy! We're not done here, Daniels!"

"Huh, well, I guess Ravi was right, it is useful to know how to fight without weapons." Observed Eila wryly, watching the teens run off and shaking her hand slightly.

"Sheltered life?" questioned Will breathlessly, staring at Eila with a mixture of shock and awe.

"Daniels?" returned Eila, raising an eyebrow. "I mean, really, Daniels? William Daniels? How am I supposed to trust a guy with two first names, let alone take him seriously?"

Will was clearly not amused. "I don't know _Eila_, can I trust an Irishwoman?"

Eila grinned. "What, I'm a woman now? Did I miss the memo?"

"You know what, I'm not even going to bother." Sighed Will, turning back to the kids beginning to sneak out of their various hiding places. "Alright everybody, I don't think they're coming back, but just in case, I don't want anybody going out without either Eila or me for a while. Just in case the North Street kids try to take revenge."

Henry tugged on Eila's shirt. "Where'd you learn to do that?" he asked, awestruck.

"I fight monsters." Eila replied calmly.

"What kind of monsters?"

"Big scary ones." She answered. "With lots of teeth. Go eat your breakfast."

**TINY-TINYTOT-TOTEMPOLE-POLEDANCING-DANCINGQUEEN-QUEENMARY**

"Latika, Satya!" Yelled Ravi, running after the twins. "God, this is déjà vu, isn't it?" she muttered to herself. "Girls, get back here! It's bath time, not tag time, we can play lat— oh shit."

She skidded to a stop right in front of two Indian men, each with a twin girl wrapped tightly around his leg. "Um...are these yours?" asked the shorter one, glancing between the girls and me. "And if they are, why haven't you gotten married sooner?"

Ravi glared at him. "They're not mine, I'm just watching them, and I'm not getting married, thank you very much! Now you," she pointed at the tall blonde one who was grimacing at his friend's lack of tact. "Make your pet shut up before I slap him!"

Agni winced, looking offended by the pet comment, and he opened his mouth to speak, but Ravi held a finger up to him, effectively shutting him up. "No, I don't want to hear you speak." She told him with a sigh.

"I'll tell Mama you said a bad word." Threatened Satya quietly, unburying her head from Soma's leg.

"I'll give you ice custard after your bath." Ravi answered without even looking at the girl.

"I don't want a bath."

"Ice custard and cream." Countered Ravi.

"Bathtime!" shouted Latika, letting go of Agni and running over to Ravi, holding her arms up to the girl.

Satya glared at her identical twin. "Traitor." She muttered before following her sister over to Ravi.

"You've had that conversation before, haven't you?" guessed Agni.

"What did I tell you about speaking?" she asked lifting a finger to him again. "But yes, some form of it at least once a day." Soma snickered at this and Ravi ignored him. "What's a prince doing around here anyway? It's not like we've got anything halfway decent worth seeing."

Soma did a double take. "Wait, do you recognize me or something?"

Ravi glanced at him wryly. "You're a spoiled brat in rich clothes with no sense of tact and the attitude of these two." She replied dryly, pointing to the twins. "Of course you're a prince." Agni gave her a strange look and Soma had an expression of _well someone got the short end of the caste system_. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go give these two a bath before they get any more ideas about negotiating." She stalked off, maintaining a mantra in her head of _oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shi..._

**SUN-SUNSHINE-SUNSHINYDAYS-DAYSOFOURLIVES-LIVEFASTDIEYOUNG**

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><p><strong>AN: **See? We told you they'd show up! One more chapter and we'll have pretty much re-entered the world of canon, on my honor. Or, as Pyro says, "Sort of, kind of. We may take liberties. And other possessions, hint, hint, nudge nudge, say no more." I really love Pyro. (As she never ceases to remind me when she does something stupid on purpose. Like making me almost run into a weeping angel at Con. Thanks a lot. *ahembitch*)

And for the record; Katelyn wrote the fight scene. Pyro is ridiculously harmless, despite having actually grown up with circus freaks her whole life. So when that gets mentioned in the fic, we're actually not exaggerating. It's kind of amazing to hang out with her family.


	4. Remember Kids, Don't Try This At Home

**A/N: **Okay, seriously, this is all you get for now, or we'll be out of content in the next half hour!

We love reviews by the way, so even if you have nothing of value to say, please say something. It makes us feel a little less like we're just randomly wasting space on the internet when nobody's reading our story.

Happy translation time! _**Murkha **_means "idiot". Or at least, so speaks the translator. Naturally we don't trust him as far as we can throw him, which isn't very far since he's just a series of virtual ones and zeros. But it's very fun to make him beatbox, and honestly, it's the best we've got until one of us starts taking Hindi.

Oh, and for a reference point, Pyro is extremely well prepared for any kind of apocalypse (nerdy or realistic) and the one thing all of her plans have in common is this...

_When all else fails, nuke it from orbit, just to be sure._

So, yeah, that's where that random comment comes from. Don't worry, these plans are purely hypothetical and will probably never have to be put into effect. And even if they do, the nukes really are a last resort...

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><p>Eila lay on her back, staring up at the sky, contemplating her situation. <em>I've got a place to stay. Sort of,<em> she amended, _and I know I can make enough to get food. But I've been wearing the same damn outfit for weeks. _After a long moment of unsuccessful attempts at naming constellations, she thought,_ Wait. I have that old pen-light that was in my pocket when I... er... arrived. And security in this era really sucks ba-_ She shook her head, cutting herself off mid-thought. _No, not going there. Anyway, I can't do that! It's illegal! And the last thing I need is Scotland Yard coming after me and finding out I don't exist._

She shifted her weight slightly. _Then again, it wouldn't be too bad, would it? I mean, it's like Robin Hood! Steal from the rich, give to the poor. Even if 'the poor' in this case is me. It should still count._ Decision made, Eila made to get up and accidentally bumped into one of the girls of the group.

"Where are you going?" Mary whispered to her, blinking confusedly.

Eila gently mussed the younger girl's hair. "I'm off to do something pretty stupid and probably dangerous," she whispered back. "Don't worry, I'll be back before morning. Go back to sleep."

Mary still looked confused, but nodded solemnly and cuddled back up to Anne. Eila jogged off as quickly and quietly as she could, deciding to leave before any other kids noticed her absence.

It wasn't too difficult for Eila to navigate the London streets, mostly thanks to the crash-course in the city's organization that she'd been subjected to over the past two and a half weeks. Also, she had a specific destination in mind: an almost ridiculously ornate mansion that had little to no obvious activity in the time that she'd seen it. She spent the entire twenty-minute walk going through her plans and thinking of contingency plans in case things went wrong. _Although I don't know where I would find a nuke in this place,_ she added to herself.

Soon enough, she was standing before the elegant, looping wrought iron of the mansion grounds' front gate. The brick walls provided nothing in the 'helpful to burglars' department, but the gate clearly sacrificed security in the name of beauty. Eila scoffed slightly before quickly hoisting herself up and over with the aid of the cold metal flowers and flourishes.

The gardens seemed to be designed from the point of view of 'if you're inside, you clearly belong here, so we'll make it as simple as possible!'. Eila rolled her eyes at whatever idiot had thought it was a good idea to include a broad, sweeping path right up the front door, and another smaller one which clearly led towards the servants' entrance. Cursory inspection of the front door revealed two locks, so Eila decided it would probably be easier to head for the servants' entrance.

Upon reaching the door, Eila noticed that there was a peephole of the sliding-block variety on it. She shook her head. "That's the cheesiest thing I've seen in my life," she muttered to nobody in particular. The lock, designed for skeleton keys, gave way after a short bout of less-than-gentle persuasion from a safety pin. The door swung open with only a gentle tap, allowing Eila the time to turn on her pen light.

Stepping inside, Eila nearly fell down a short flight of stairs that she missed in the gloom. Cursing quietly, she started swinging the pen light gently from side to side to maximize the illumination from the irritatingly narrow beam. Her initial conclusion that the door was for servants was dashed at the discovery of several rows of chairs and an enormous birdcage on some sort of platform at the front of the room. _Okaaay then,_ she thought, _I am so not going to think about what this guy is into._

It took her more time than she would have liked to find the other door of the room, but she did eventually. A tall, narrow staircase took her to a room more typical of such mansions – cushy chairs, excessive artwork, some bust that might have been a Greek or Roman god but also might have been some politician. She couldn't care either way. Artwork was too easy to track, and usually too bulky to carry around without being noticed.

The hallway looked practically identical in either direction, so Eila just chose a direction and went with it. She peeked into every open door on the way, scanned it for anything conveniently valuable, pocketed what she deemed useful, and moved on. In one room, she found something that made her freeze in shock.

A letter on the desk (from which she had swiped a nice set of fountain pens) was addressed to "The Viscount Druitt". The envelope's seal had been broken, indicating that it had been incoming, not outgoing, mail. She stopped, knowing the name from somewhere...

_"Who did you arrive with, dear Robin?"_

Eila blinked. _Well, shit. He's not supposed to exist._ She shrugged. _Well, if he doesn't exist, then I can't beat myself up about robbing him._ A hesitation. _And if he **is** the Kuroshitsuji Druitt... that guy's a creep._

Eila grinned. _I will steal everything this man owns._

**HAPPYDAYS-DAYSOFOURLIVES-LIVESTRONG-STRONGMAN-MANVSWILD**

Ravi stepped into her room at her temporary employer's house, closing the door and glancing up in surprise when she saw the extremely tall man with bleach blonde hair standing in the corner. "You know, you're really lucky I'm not my friend Eila, she probably wouldn't even have noticed you standing there and would've started changing and then you would've been in a really awkward situation." She paused for a moment and then pulled her blouse over her head to reveal her spaghetti-strap tank top and corset. "Then again, maybe you're not so lucky, because I really don't give a damn and I'm more likely to know you're there and change anyway. But seriously, why?"

"Why what?" he asked, clearly thrown off balance by a stripping girl.

"Um, hello?" Ravi shook her head and kept changing, grabbing her yoga pants and a sports bra out of her bag. "It's the middle of the night, I'm changing for bed, I don't even know who the hell you are, and you're standing in the middle of my _bedroom_. Why are you here?" She turned her back and pulled off her corset, dragged her sports bra over her head and then wriggled her way out of the tank top.

Agni's awkward level had reached twelve on the one-to-ten scale by now, and he was probably blushing furiously. "How do you know about Mina?"

She stopped and turned back around, rubbing the back of her head and arching an eyebrow at him. "Mina as in that whiny good-for-nothing bitch who ran off from India with some rich asshole and abandoned the prince who thought of her like his big sister?" Agni was too shocked to do anything but nod dumbly. "Nope, never heard of her." she replied briskly and kicked off her skirt.

"Wait, but you just said...I mean...but..." Agni blinked in shock and quickly averted his eyes from Ravi's boy shorts panties and the henna work that ran over everything that could not conceivably be covered by a bikini. "How do you know all of that if you don't know Mina?"

Ravi sighed. "It's called sarcasm, dear." She replied in a drawling British accent and putting extra stress on the word _sarcasm_. "And anyway, I haven't seen her, so you don't have to worry. Just avoid any kind of curry competition anytime soon, I assure you it won't go well." Ravi glanced at his face and rolled her eyes. "You've already signed up for it, haven't you?" Another nod. "Murkha." She muttered, shaking her head in exasperation.

"Hey, I'm not...!"

"You know that whole no speaking rule still applies." She cut him off impatiently. "Rule number twenty-three when dealing with me, never try to correct me when I insult you. _Addendum_: Unless you have a more interesting insult to suggest."

Agni eyed her warily. "You just went through three languages at once. Who are you?"

Ravi shrugged, pulling on her yoga pants and jumping onto the bed with her legs tucked under her. "I could say 'your worst nightmare' but that would be way too cheesy, so I'll go with Ravi Jones."

He stopped. "Really?" he asked, seeming to be convinced that Ravi was making that up.

She glared at him. "My mother's Hindi, my dad's British, I don't like to talk about it, now shut up!"

"Ravi's a boy's name." He added hesitantly.

"Well I didn't know that when I was five." Answered Ravi, raising her eyebrows. "See what happens when you let a kid name herself? Never goes well, I tell ya."

Evidently Agni had given up on trying to figure Ravi out and was also feeling a bit uncomfortable about having snuck into her room on a hunch that had turned out to be _completely _incorrect. "I'm just going to be leaving now." He mumbled, inching towards the door.

She sighed. "Hey, I may be strange, but I'm not a bad person. Honestly, I wound up stranded here and I have no idea how to get back home, so I'm just a little off balance right now, and when I'm off-balance I get a little...let's go with moody." He appeared startled by the honesty. "And just so you know, Prince Soma's going to find out about Mina no matter what you do, so you may as well tell him now and get it out of the way."

"I can't do that." Replied Agni stiffly.

Ravi shrugged. "I figured. Look after the kid, would you? He may be a spoiled brat, but he is pretty good guy after all. Now, if you don't mind, I've had a long day and would kind of like to go to bed." She gestured towards the door with a small smile.

"Er, right." He slipped back out of Ravi's room, glancing around stealthily as he did so and Ravi rolled her eyes. As Agni snuck out the front door, Ravi dropped a pebble on his head and he looked up, rubbing his skull. "What?" he called up as quietly as he could.

"Tell that prince of yours I'm gonna need a job pretty soon, 'cause eventually bribery's gonna stop working on these kids!" Ravi called out the window, caring far less about being heard.

He winced, and raised a hand to show he'd heard her as he went running off into the dark.

**ROCK-ROCKOFAGES-AGEOFCASTLES-CASTLEMANIA-MANICMONDAY**

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><p><strong>AN:** Please excuse our less than flattering opinion of Mina, but seriously, man, that girl's so mean leaving poor Soma in the wind like that! Made even worse by Soma's naive adorableness!

*Ahem, Katelyn's being a sentimental fool again, please reboot*

Now that's over with, let's hear some of those reviews, huh? Pushy-pushy, I know, but just be glad we're not the sort of whiny authors who'll say they won't post any more chapters until they get so many reviews. We're not that cruel.

And for that matter, we're not naive enough to think people really care that much about this story. We just hope we made someone laugh. Stories like this always cheer us up on bad days, so we thought we'd contribute for once.


	5. Break Into a Friend's Home, Try It There

**A/N: **Okay, ! We are officially not allowed to update at midnight anymore! Sorry to everybody who had to deal with repetitive chapter, but we tend to get really...negligent when we're tired. Sorry. But thanks to animelover who noticed and pointed out the mistake to us! And Star. (Star, quit stalking our story without telling us! Next time you're gonna start creepin' on our stories, just give us some warning! Love you.)

So we've corrected the overlap, and now for some updated commentary on our latest piece of the saga!

Eila is starting to act like Ravi (keeping money in her bra and rationalizing vaguely sociopathic behavior), and soon Ravi will be doing the same. This is what happens when the two girls are separated for too long! Also, the commentary on Henry still stands. We keep confusing him and Will when we're talking over chapters and ideas, so we're convinced that they have to be brothers or half-brothers or something like that. And Henry is disturbingly similar to a young Pyro (those of you who don't believe me, you don't know this chick).

* * *

><p>Eila returned much later than she had expected to – the sun was already rising when she met with her kids again. She didn't mind in the least, however, since she had managed to find a pawnshop that was open in the middle of the night and get herself some decent clothes for the time period, as well as a reasonable amount of money.<p>

Immediately upon returning, though, she was tackled by a small child. "Where were you?" Henry wailed into her skirt. "And why are you in a dress? We thought you got eaten by monsters!"

Eila laughed slightly and knelt down to be at eye level with the child. "It's okay, Henry. I'm fine. And there's no monsters in London."

The raggedy boy sniffled. "How do you know?"

Eila reconsidered. "Well, there's no dangerous monsters in London. Only your generic harmless bed and closet monsters. And a few river monsters, but they only like eating fish."

One of the other kids tugged at her skirt. "What do bed monsters eat?" she asked, staring at Eila with wide hazel eyes.

Eila smiled gently and replied, as seriously as possible, "Bed and closet monsters eat the leftover dreams that don't get used when you wake up, of course." The kid nodded solemnly.

"Why do you keep doing that?" Will asked, glaring slightly. "And where have you been?"

"I love kids!" Eila responded brightly. "They'll believe _anything_ you tell them! And you really don't want to know where I've been. Plausible deniability and all that. By the way, if Scotland Yard shows up anytime soon, I was here the whole time."

He stared at her in shock, his jaw dropping. "Okay, really, Eila, what did you do?" he demanded.

"Er…" Eila hesitated a moment. "I may or may not have robbed the Viscount Druitt?"

If Will had been eating or drinking anything at the time, his reaction would have been an immediate spit-take. "You realize that git steals children right?" He asked slowly.

"And therefore, he deserves to be robbed blind." Decided Eila, as if the logic was obvious. "I mean really!"

"Do you realize how powerful he is?" demanded Will. "You're going to be in so much trouble!"

"Oh please, I may be crazy, but I'm not suicidal." She rolled her eyes. "Besides, it's not like they'll ever catch me."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "You have blue hair." Was all he said.

Eila nodded, conceding the point. "Which they won't notice if they don't see me in the first place." Then she paused. "And anyway, I have blue hair. _Nobody's_ going to think I'm trying to be inconspicuous!"

Will shook his head in disbelief. "That may be the most messed up logic I've ever heard, and I live with twelve small children." He commented with a sigh. "And if you weren't so bloody useful, I'd kick you out for even _thinking_ like that."

"Speaking of useful…." Eila dug in the neckline of her bodice and pulled out a fistful of pound notes. "This was extra."

He stared again, dumb-founded. "You should have invested it in a more respectable dress." He said, turning away.

"Hello! I'm a circus freak!" She called out to his back. "Respectable isn't even in my vocabulary!"

"And yet inconspicuous is!" He shouted back, annoyed.

"Oh, don't you start grouching at me about my education, I know you weren't always stuck out on this street!" She retorted. "And anyway, inconspicuous is way more fun than respectable! Yuck, who the bloody hell wants to be respectable?"

If she hadn't known any better, she could have sworn he was laughing as he walked away.

**GOBBLEGOBBLEONEOFUS…GOBBLEGOBBLEONEOFUS…GOBBLEGOBBLE**

The door burst open with a loud crash. "Morning Miss Jones!" Shouted Soma.

Ravi's arm shot out reflexively, and Agni was forced to catch the knife by its handle when it was only centimeters from Soma's face.

Ravi lifted her head, pushing herself up on her elbows and glancing over in sleepy confusion. "What kind of freaking ninja are you?" She mumbled, noticed Soma's kicked puppy face from the shock of being almost stabbed. "I mean seriously, Eila can't even do that, and she's been living with circus freaks all her life! And quit with the puppy-cat face!"

Agni's expression was puzzled. "I think you mean puppy dog." He corrected slowly.

Ravi shook her head, getting up, and Agni suddenly blushed as he realized she was only in the sports bra and boyshorts. "Nope, I mean puppy-cat. Don't ask."

Soma stared at her unabashedly. "Why are you dressed like that?" he demanded, tilting his head curiously.

She rolled her eyes. "Well I wasn't expecting company, obviously." She replied sarcastically. "And you are in my _bedroom_. Not that I care, but if you're feeling awkward about it, it's your problem, just sayin'." She pointed out, her accent wandering across half the planet as she spoke.

Soma shook his head as if trying to get back on track. "Well, Agni here mentioned something about how it might be useful to have a girl around the house."

Ravi's expression rapidly morphed into one of icy disgust. "Excuse me?" she asked, voice dripping with disdain. "There are children in this house, Prince, can I ask you to rephrase that?"

He looked absolutely baffled and Agni was blushing furiously. "Why? We just need a maid, I mean, Agni and I are really busy all day, and we need the help."

Ravi glanced over at Agni wryly. "He don't know much, do he?" she asked, but Agni was too busy choking to answer so she turned back to Soma. "Fine, I suppose I could work for you, but there is one little thing to work out first. I have no money."

Soma waved that off quickly, moving on from the previous dilemma. "That's okay, you don't have to pay for anything. And we can pay you for working."

"No, that's not necessary." Decided Ravi quickly. "As long as I have a place to stay and food to eat, I'm good."

"Great! So you'll be ready tonight, right? Agni will come to pick you up after dinner. You can cook right? I guess it doesn't matter if you can, because Agni can, but it would help. Anyway, he'll be back to get you later and you'll have anything you need. Okay, now that's all worked out we've got to head out and get back to looking, so bye!"

And before Ravi could say anything, they were both gone. "You know, I could just say no to spite you people!" she yelled out the door. "But if I did, I'd be an idiot, not to mention stuck here forever. At least they'll get me to the Phantomhives." She muttered.

**DOCTORWHO-WHOZAWHATZIT-ITZATRAP-TRAPDOOR-DOORWAY-WAYS**

Eila and Will sat together outside of the makeshift home used by their little troop of kids. Eila was munching on an apple, while Will was quietly shredding a useless chunk of wood with an old knife. While the two of them were able to relax for the first time in a few days, the kids inside the hut were as cheerful and excitable as always.

"She's a fairy, I tell ya!" Henry's unmistakably chipper voice broke through the general chatter. There was a general murmur of agreement. Eila and Will just stared at each other for a moment.

One of the other kids chimed in. "She knows about monsters! And how to fight them!"

"And she can balance stuff in her hands like magic!" The kid that Eila had once promised to teach contact juggling to chimed in. "I tried it, but I couldn't do it!"

Eila tried to restrain a giggle as the kids all broke out, throwing their 'evidence' of her supernatural powers at each other.

"She can walk up buildings!"

"She can see through walls!"

"She can breathe underwater!"

"How do you know?" one of the kids challenged.

"I saw her fall in the river, and I thought she'd drown, but she came up no problem and things! But it was almost ten minutes later!"

"Wow!"

Will glanced at Eila. "When did _that_ happen?" he demanded, mostly from curiosity. "And ten minutes?"

Eila pouted slightly. "I'm clumsier than I like admitting to myself. I was trying to balance on the fence at the edge of the river near Townsend's." She paused a minute. "And it was closer to fifteen seconds or so. The Thames is freaking _cold._ I mean, not as cold as Rhode Island in May, but still."

"And her hair's blue!" Henry added.

"No, it's turned green," one of the kids tried to argue.

"No, it's blue!"

"Green!"

"Blue!"

Eila sighed as the kids grew steadily louder. Eventually, she leaned towards the hut and announced, "It's greenish-blue. Or blueish-green. It's not that important."

There was a stunned silence from within the hut, until one of the kids whispered loudly, "I told you she could see through walls."

Eila just started laughing as Will groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"And either way, her hair changes color!"

**HAIR-HAIRSPRAY-SPRAYPAINT-PAINTBALL-BALLGOWN-GOWNREPAIR**

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><p><strong>AN: **Prince Soma has no tact.

And we're convinced that Eila decided to try a Matrix flip off a wall or to scale some random briock wall out of boredom at some point during this whole ordeal. And naturally with blue hair (it's green now -no, it's blue -green -blue -aargh!) the kids are convinced that she's a faerie. (Or fairy, for you silly American spellers, says Katelyn.) And you know that little kids have absolutely no concept of the fact that **voices carry_. _**

Anyway, hopefully we'll have another chapter up soon, especially since the school year's wrapping up (although Pyro will be moving soon, Goddamnit Pyro! Stop trying to further your education, can't you see we're writing a best seller here?). So for the next few months we'll be able to update more, minus one month when Katelyn will have no internet access (Globe-trotting, man, whoo-hoo!), and then it may slow down a LOT more come fall when Pyro is TWO BLOODY HOURS AWAY! And to you large state people, shut up, it's a hell of long way when you can't drive and the public transit system is non-existent.

And now, time for Pyro's first attempt at freaky mind control.

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><p>You want to review. You want to review. You want to review. You want to review. You want to review. You want to review. You do not want to sell me death sticks, you want to review.<p> 


	6. Gratuitous Nerdiness

**A/N**: So, a few points to make before reading this next chapter; first off, remember the upload fail last time where two chapters were basically identical? Yeah, we fixed it, so go back and read it. Now. Or this will make no sense. Second; don't forget these two words: **MARY SUES!** So yeah, Ravi can speak multiple languages (although Katelyn actually is multi-lingual, and not just Spanish and English, so back off; however the Hindi is translated by Google, so yeah, it's probably terrible.) and she can kick-butt, and Eila is allowed to remain completely cool in the face of the Viscount fucking Druitt. Until she gets out and then the whole thing catches up to her in a Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment. So yeah, the Mary Sues are gonna make an appearance here. Also, Baldroy is calling Ravi a turncoat bitch because he is totally from the South and when Ravi is speaking English with an American accent, it sounds like she's from Virginia. She does that just to annoy people, 'cause we're pretty sure the girls are from Connecticut.

So I'm pretty sure that's about it. Enjoy.

But read the damn last chapter first or you shall be smote by the elder Gods or whichever other supernatural being happens to be on duty at the moment. Cthulhu f'htagn.

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><p>Ravi walked through the marketplace with a basket on her arm, doing the shopping that had been rather terribly neglected during Soma and Agni's search for Mina, and muttering under her breath in furious Hindi about idiotic boys who can't survive on their own. A passing woman with a baby on her hip smiled at her sympathetically. "Why does it always take a woman to spot the obvious?" she offered kindly. "It's always such a harsh reality for a newly married woman."<p>

At this, Ravi winced and started muttering in Russian about people who couldn't mind their own business and made too many assumptions.

Just then, she noticed a huge crowd of people in the middle of the marketplace that was growing bigger by the moment, and above all the other heads were Agni and Sebastian both obviously fighting. She groaned and stalked towards the edge of the crowd. "Well, I guess this is my stop. 'Scuse me, coming through, make a hole, move it Raj, I'm so not interested in flirting right now, alright anyone who wants to eat live steel, stay where you are, otherwise, _move!_" Finally she came to the center of the crowd and realized she was standing right next to Soma who was shouting random comments to the crowd and not even noticing her presence. Suddenly, one of the Indian men who was getting his ass kicked in the circle was thrown to her feet and she just glanced down at him. "You know, if you're going to rob someone, you really should be better at it. Watch this." She reached down to straighten her sock and came back up with the man's wallet and her knife. She glanced at them and grinned. "See? Here, you can have this back, I don't need it, this idiot's my personal credit card." She explained, jerking her head at Soma.

The prince looked up in surprise as the Indian was yanked back into the center of the fight by his feet. "Hey, where'd you come from?"

"Originally, my mother." She replied calmly. "But more recently the market place, don't you remember me saying something about us needing food to eat or we'd starve and die interesting deaths as I was leaving the house this morning?"

He reflected on this. "Oh, yeah!" Then he shook himself out of it. "Well, I hope you got curry, I love curry."

Ravi rolled her eyes. "Yes, Prince, I got curry, but you have no idea how tempting it is to make you carry this stuff right now."

"Oh, that's okay, Agni will do it!" He chirped happily.

"So not the point." She shoved the basket at him and he stumbled a little under the weight, but before he could react, Ravi had stormed into the middle of the circle where Agni and Sebastian were finishing off the muggers. "Agni, go help the prince before he falls over, I don't think he'll be able to keep standing much longer, and I really don't feel like going shopping again."

"But..." Agni tried to protest, stopping mid-fight.

"No. Now. I got this. You get that." She pointed at Soma, and Agni, who was apparently more used to her by now, hurried to do as she said. The man he'd been fighting turned to look at her and grinned, immediately perking up, and Ravi rolled her eyes. "I hate men." She sighed, and slammed her elbow into his nose. That pretty much ended the fight as Sebastian finished off his mugger as well, and the crowd dispersed quickly, disappointed it was over, and disturbed that a girl had helped end it.

Sebastian straightened up and glanced over at Ravi with an odd look.

"Who are you?" demanded an imperious voice, and Ravi gritted her teeth a little. She was already in a bad mood and petulant, spoiled brat was not the kind of issue she wanted to have to handle just then.

"I don't even know how to answer that question right now, do you want my life story or something? I think that one fried all of my brain cells in the last few days!" She complained, waving at Soma vaguely.

"Are you talking about me?" asked Soma, looking up from the groceries.

"No! I'm talking about the random Chai dealer behind you!" She retorted sarcastically.

"Oh! Okay then!" He chirped happily.

Her shoulders slumped and she turned back to Sebastian and Ciel. "I rest my case." She sighed. "Long story short, I'm the prince's temporary maid and nanny, Agni over there is his butler, bodyguard, and personal lackey. And you are very obviously not fitting in here, and I don't really feel like dealing with all the trouble you're going to bring."

"What makes you think we're going to cause any trouble?" asked Sebastian smoothly. "We got lost."

"Pull the other one, mate." She retorted, her accent slipping out of Hindi and into Australian. "You're nobility, you don't get lost. You have people whose job it is specifically to prevent you from getting lost, hell, you probably have people whose job it is to get lost for you!"

Sebastian looked perfectly calm and unaffected, but she was sure that he didn't quite know what to make of her. "Hey, Ravi, who are these people?" Soma butted in suddenly, trotting up to her. He was now free of the basket that Agni was now stuck carrying.

Sebastian opened his mouth to introduce themselves, but at that moment, Lao popped his head out from his hiding place and Ravi glared at him. "Seriously?" she demanded. "You have no right to be that hot when you're such an ass!"

Lao just glanced at her curiously while Ciel tried to hide his amusement at the last half of the statement and everyone else looked confused. "Do I know you?" asked Lao, puzzled.

Before she could answer, Soma perked up. "Okay, we have to go now, bye!"

He grabbed Agni by the arm and Ravi sighed. "We have a strange love/hate relationship. I mean, I really love the kid, but sometimes I just want to strangle him." She explained before disappearing after the two men.

**CIEL-CIELPHANTOMHIVE-HIVEMIND-MINDTHEGAP-GAPINGEVILCHASM!**

"Do wee oooh," Eila sang the Doctor Who theme quietly as she ambled around Druitt's home by the light of her little pocket illuminator. "Dooo dee doooooo..." She pocketed a decorative prism that happened to be sitting around. There wasn't much of value that could easily be transported remaining in the mansion. "Wah weee waaaaa, doo dee dooo, doo doo..."

She suddenly became aware of her shadow. More accurately, a light behind her that caused a shadow to be cast. "...Shit." She said calmly before turning around to see Druitt himself. She could hear Ravi's voice in her head saying 'Classy, Eila, real classy. Just what d'you think you're gonna do now?'

Before Druitt could really react much to the less-than-subtle burglar, Eila shouted, "PEN LIGHT!" and shone her tiny flashlight directly into the man's eyes. The Viscount stumbled backwards, shielding his eyes and letting out a rather foppish yell.

"Sheesh, what a drama queen," Eila muttered.

Recovering from the unexpected (and unexplainable, from his point of view) light-induced blindness, Druitt announced, "I _will_ call my guards."

Bracing herself to sprint for her life any moment, Eila took the opportunity to mess with the Viscount. In the most even, creepy tone she could muster, she said, "You are the Viscount Druitt, correct?"

"Yes, I am," Druitt exclaimed, indignant at being treated so disrespectfully.

"May you be devoured by the walking dead." And with that last somewhat foreboding statement, Eila sprinted down the hall, opened a random window, and leaped down into the shrubberies one story below. As she detangled herself and ran off towards the gate, she couldn't help but laugh.

**SHRUBBERIES!-THEY'RESOHARDTOFIND**

Ciel and Sebastian were approaching the mansion when they heard a sudden crash from inside the mansion. They stopped dead and Ciel sighed. "Sebastian, could you please take care of that?"

Sebastian nodded, unworriedly, but stopped when they heard a yell from inside. "Baldroy! Get that goddamn flamethrower out of this kitchen right now or I will have your head on a silver platter for an appetizer! It'll go real well with a white wine glaze!" Shouted the female voice.

"That was not Mei-Rin." Realized Ciel slowly. "So who the devil was it?"

"Ow! Hey, lady, that hurts! Okay, okay! But I'm tellin' ya, steak's always better when it's been burned a bit first!"

"Not on my watch, you Grayback sonufabitch!" Yelled the woman's voice, sliding easily into a southern accent.

"Turncoat bitch!" Yelled Baldroy angrily as he stalked out of the house and then stopped, staring at Ciel and Sebastian. "Uh, well...it's all her fault, boss, I swear!" he protested anxiously. "I was just trying to cook for the young master and then she butted in and started bossin' me around and..."

"By the sounds of it, she somehow managed to save tonight's dinner from certain incineration." Finished Sebastian smoothly. Baldroy just sulked. "Now would you like to tell us who our guests are?"

"Hell if I know, sir, the three of them just sort of showed up and that one woman's insane, I swear!"

"I'm not insane, Baldroy, I'm mad, get it right." Announced Ravi, stepping out of the front door as she wiped her hands on dish towel calmly.

"How do you even know my name, woman?" he demanded, annoyed and still sulking.

"It's embroidered on your shirt dumbass." She replied calmly. He glanced down in surprise and she continued without missing a beat. "Also gullible is written on the ceiling."

"Goddamnit!" He stalked off furiously, muttering to himself.

She looked over at Ciel and Sebastian. "I'm mildly psychic." She explained simply. "It's more of a curse than a blessing, but it's really good for playing practical jokes on people. Anyway, dinner's gonna be my special recipe, I promise it's good, so don't get all worried about that, and I've got lots of other stuff, but I'd rather keep that a surprise for now. I like surprises."

Ciel looked slightly disturbed but then he glanced over at Sebastian and his expression clearly stated the opinion that since he had a demon for a butler, he had no right to call her a liar. "Well I don't. Who are you?"

She curtsied elegantly and swept back up with a smile. "Ravi Jones, at your service, only not really, because I'm still assigned to be the spoiled bratty princeling's personal nanny."

"Ravi! Hey Ravi! Where are you? I can't find the Chai! Do they even have Chai in this place?" Yelled Soma from inside, and Ravi sighed.

"Speaking of whom..." She muttered, glancing back at the mansion. "I swear I feel like Hobson in _Arthur_ with that boy. Anything I can do for you gentlemen, or shall I just go get Soma his tea and keep Baldroy away from the kitchen so I can finish dinner?"

Ciel didn't say anything, but just moved imperiously towards the house, and she could see that he was rather annoyed. Sebastian glanced at her, and she knew the demon could tell she was lying and wasn't quite sure what the truth was, so he was choosing to humor her as long as it suited him. "You may finish dinner, Miss Jones, but I shall be stopping in to assure myself of its quality before it is served."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from a d...butler." Ravi quickly corrected herself. "It'll be up to par, sir."

"You're a fast learner, Miss Jones." He commented lightly, and she winced a little. "I expect you may be a useful addition to the young master's household,"

He went into the house and she took a deep breath to calm herself after talking to a demon. "Wait a minute." She muttered, his last words dawning on her. "Did I just get recruited?"

"Ravi!"

"SOMA, IF YOU TOUCH ANYTHING IN THAT KITCHEN, THEY WON'T FIND THE BODY!"

"Miss Jones!" protested Agni, suddenly appearing and trying to stop her so he could chide her for her reaction.

"Back off, Blondie, I have a dinner to save." Muttered Ravi, stalking past him and into the kitchen.

**MILK-MILKSHAKE-SHAKEIT-AHH!ISAIDIT!ARGH!ISAIDITAGAIN!NOOOOOO!**

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We hope you enjoyed all the gratuitous nerd-media references. If you did, please review and tell us about your own nerdy stories! If you didn't, please review to complain.

The point that should be taken from this Author's Note?

**REVIEW GODDAMNIT, REVIEW BEFORE WE ALL DIE OF LACK OF FEEDBACK AND LOVELESSNESS! WE NEED YOUR REVIEWS MORE THAN WE NEED AIR TO BREATHEFUCKINGREVIEWPLEASEWE'REGOINGTODIEOHMIGODIT'STHEENDWE'...**

If you have reached this point and have not yet reviewed, you've just kill Pyro and Katelyn. Thanks for nothing asshole.

****((Pyro apologizes for how... er... strongly worded this was, but still asks you to review. Asks POLITELY. Unlike some other people we could name. -coughKatelyncough-))


	7. To Whom It May Concern

Dear readers, flamers, reviewers, and general fictioneers!

I regret to inform our much loved followers that Katelyn will be abandoning her friends to their own sad fates for the next month. She is going to have fun in somewhere that is not Connecticut and has a temperature of 70 degrees or less while they continue to suffer through 98 degree weather plus 50% humidity! Pyro is not here, or else she'd be telling Katelyn that she's gloating and that's extremely unladylike, but what Pyro doesn't know won't hurt her. (By the way, yes, Pyro and Katelyn do tend to talk about themselves in the third person for author's notes, otherwise it's a pain in our ass to properly explain who's doing what, so please just stick with them on that.)

Anyway, there will unfortunately be no new updates until Katelyn gets back, and even then updates may be a bit (read- a lot) slower than Pyro and Katelyn would like because while Pyro is getting settled in college **several bloody states away!** Katelyn will be_ visiting_ colleges in order to figure out where she's going the year after. Luckily, we only have small states over here in New England, and Pyro has a license while Katelyn will soon be getting one, so we'll still publish, we swear!

Anyway, a little teaser (which Pyro will murder me on Sunday night for giving to you, but I'm feeling **great** right now, and I don't care!) for all you loyal and worshipped readers. (PS, guys! Guess what? We have 1000 freakin' hits! I love you people! You're amazing! This story is almost as popular as some of my other far more twisted stories! *sniff* I'm so proud *sniff*)

As you may have guessed, Ravi and Baldroy are going to develop a long-standing rivalry that involves each of them trying to figure out some new and god-awful name to call the other (mostly because Ravi's bored and we just figure Baldroy's annoyed that she's taking over his kitchen). Finny is going to be adopted as an adorable little baby brother, and Mei-Rin is going to be given so much needed girl advice whether she wants it or not. Sebastian may or may not get a little help making curry in the kitchen, and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle **will** be fangirl-attacked. The circus arc will involve Ravi pissing off Ciel, and for those of you who miss William and his little brother Henry (We're convinced they're brothers, because Pyro keeps mixing their names up and there's no other good explanation for that since the two are utterly different.) don't worry, they'll be back. Spoiler alert: William has a _total_ crush on Eila.

Also, as an interesting little note, Pyro and I recently attended a Renaissance Faire where Pyro was dressed as a faerie hunter/pirate, and Katelyn went as Random Witch Wench #37. There's a lot of random witch wenches. Anyway, Pyro keeps a faerie in a gilded steel cage on her belt, right next to the pocket watch and the pistols (the faerie stole her keys and the little bugger **still** won't tell her where they are.), and needless to say the faerie is a bit pissed off about this. She wears this blue filmy dress and her ears are distinctly elvish, so I think she's a water pixie, and anyway, she's always rattling about in that cage looking annoyed. We recently found out that her name was printed on the bottom of her stand, and when we discovered what it was, we thought it was just too ironic not to share. Pyro's pixie prisoner is named Eila. Go freakin' figure.

Right, so I've bored you enough with the tedious details of our lives, and I hope you'll forgive us (more specifically, me) for needing a few more delays in our story than is ideal, we promise we'll keep up as best we can and the story and its sequel are **still on track.** You needn't worry that we'll ever get bored of this and stop (like I've occasionally done to a few of my other stories) because this thing is just way too freakin' fun. We'll post another update as soon as possible and that one will actually be a story chapter, thanks a lot, and please don't forget to check back in around August 10th. I should have come back to life after extreme jet lag and over-stimulation by then. Love you much! And have a great summer!

~KatelynGibbs and (honorarily) ResidentPyromaniac


	8. I Blame The Goldfish

Okay, so I know ya'll are gonna kill me for posting another update that isn't actually the story. But at least this time I have a valid reason that makes it NOT MY BLOODY FAULT! This particular update has been delayed because Pyro is a stupid-head. Her recent gaming habit has affected her mind, and she forget to bring her flash drive with her on this trip. (And just because she has developed a gaming habit, doesn't mean that she is any good at it. The longest she's ever lasted is eleven minutes. On an empty server. It's rather pathetic. I think she's going for the 1000 deaths award.) And in Pyro's defense, she was running on five hours of sleep for the three days before we left. She blames plot bunnies (but no, this doesn't mean she'll update any of her - most amazingly spectacular - stories. She's terrible at that.)

Also, yes, for those of you who caught that, Pyro and I ARE currently on vacation together. We're secret lovers. Shh. Don't tell anyone. Big secret. That's why it's on the internet. No one will ever suspect if we hide it here.

Not really, but Pyro does have amazingly bad luck with guys, which I mock her for constantly. (Ow, she just punched me.) In fact, we were at breakfast the other day, and this really (sexy sexy) *ahem* cute European guy nearby who kept checking her out, and she totally didn't even notice. The sad part is, that the reason she didn't notice was because she was too busy checking HIM out. It was saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

AHHNNNYWAAAAY! The point is, because of this, we will not be able to update this until we get home on Wednesday. But since we have a red eye flight and will arrive back at like six in the morning, I think we'll be too jet-lagged to do it. I'll just have to promise you that we WILL get an update up before Pyro LEAVES ME for college. (What? Bitter? No, I'm not bitter at all, I would never begrudge my bestest friend her education in film editing awesomeness just because she was leaving me all alone in freakin' Connecticut and in high school no less, NO! THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!)

So yeah. Hope you guys can forgive (*cough*Pyro*cough*) us for not being able to post today as was the plan. I swear we actually have already written up large amounts of story to post along the way as we finish up the story.

Needless to say, I have to compensate your loss by offering cruel teasers. I don't remember what I told you before, but I DON'T CARE ABOUT REDUNDANCY! So enjoy the following:

Eila does a remarkably good impersonation of a kitten being scolded by its mother; Ravi is forced to restrain Eila from turning Soma into a Goth (odd considering Ravi IS a Goth, but clearly she just thinks the look would terrify the poor Prince into a heart attack.); Eila and Ravi finally catch up (DEAR GOD FINALLY! HOW BLEEPING LONG HAS IT TAKEN YOU GUYS?); swashbuckling occurs, and the girls attempt to kill each other (it's all in good fun, only some minor maiming, a little blood, you know head wounds always look worse than they really are); Baldroy is yelled at (again) because we all known Ravi has decided to make him her personal bitch-out guy and he still can't figure out if she really is a Southerner or if she's just screwing with him again; Eila gets mad (Yes, mad, as in truly, heart-breakingly, atomic bomb-worthy mad. So mad, that Pyro was actually incapable of writing the scene without being well and truly pissed off. And since that woman is Irish, Hungarian, AND Russian, I spent the entirety of the scene's creation cowering in fear); Ravi helps Sebastian figure out curry and Eila wishes she were a Parseltongue while we learn just a little bit more about where Ravi came from; a writer is fangirled, and Soma is threatened with lasers; the girls are accused of murder, and they start to work out just how in the hell they're going to convince Ciel and Sebastian to help them get home.


	9. Girl Time and EILA SMASH!

**A/N: **Yea! We're alive! So here's the newest part of the Sues Saga, and I'm going to give an opening teaser even though I've been giving spoiler updates for the last few months. It should be mentioned that I stole the "tiger walking over my grave" line from the gods of Questionable Content, which you should read. Seriously, read it. It's awesome. Disregard the bad drawing early on, it improves greatly and doesn't change the awesomeness. Anyway, back to our story; Katelyn's method of dealing with period cramps actually _is_ a glass of red wine and a hot bath. It's an age old family cure. (Sorry to any guys who happen to be reading our story, not that there are likely to be any.) And if Katelyn had control over her own liquor cabinet, she would change that routine to a hot bath and a glass of chai tea spiked with bourbon. So yeah. Also, yes, Eila is retelling the story of the animorphs. We blame Pyro for Tobias's misfortune. We can predict the deaths, misfortunes, or other such painful events in the lives of fictional characters with a 98% success rate based on Pyro's favorites. All the way back to BLOODY MERCUTIO! Ahem, I'm not bitter at all, no. And in this chapter, we will see Eila's total flip out moment. I should mention that Pyro and I actually had a very hard time writing this bit because we would literally get too pissed to type properly in the process of thinking up the right things to say. And in this chapter, we leave the most awful teaser yet, although most likely not the worst in the whole story. Mwahahaha. And Pyro leaves for college this weekend. We have already figured out that we'll be using Skype and email of documents to keep this story going on a more regular basis.

* * *

><p>"...must be completely mad. You should have known that it was only a matter of time before you got caught!" Will continued to rant as he had been for what felt like days. "And you aren't exactly difficult to recognize, what with <em>whatever<em> it is that you've done to your hair. Really, all he has to do is tell Scotland Yard that you had unnatural hair and they'll-"

Eila put a finger against the boy's mouth, effectively cutting him short. "Shut up a minute, I have something to tell you. It might be important. Are you listening?" She asked. Will nodded mutely. "Good, because I'm not. And haven't been for the past half hour."

She watched in mild amusement as Will went through several shades of red-on-the-way-to-purple in rage. "That can't be good for you, you'll give yourself an aneurysm or something."

"What the..." Will stopped himself for a moment. "What in the world is an aneurysm?"

Eila grinned widely. "It's when your brain breaks. Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, but that's the easiest way to explain it to non-Doctor-type people."

Will narrowed his eyes. "You're making things up again."

"No, actually, that was real," Eila shrugged. "There's a lot of useless things I know, just to confuse people." After a moment, she added, "And a lot of things that I know that no sane person would believe. What a world, eh?"

"I'm not talking to you anymore, it's an utter waste of time." Sighed Will, turning away from her.

Eila grinned and skipped deeper into the alley. "My ears thank you!" she called over her shoulder, not having to turn back to know that Will flinched and had to force himself to keep walking.

**KILL-KILLBILL-OHNO!MISTERBILL!-WHATAWORLD,WHATAWORLD!-MELTING!**

Ravi finally got a break from work when Agni started being actually helpful around the Phantomhive Manor, something she knew Sebastian wasn't accustomed to. She glanced at the borderline feast of a breakfast on the table. "Huh. So this is what Agni does with his time when he doesn't think Soma's gonna get into trouble."

She reached over and snatched a fried potato chunk off the plate, bringing it to her mouth before pausing. "Oh my god, I'm turning into Eila." She sighed, and then popped it into her mouth anyway. She was pretty hungry after all, and who knew if she'd be allowed to eat upstairs or if she'd have to find breakfast down in the kitchen with the other servants?

She proceeded down into the kitchen which had remained blessedly Baldroy-free since a second threat (this time to his family jewels) and she grabbed a container of Chai tea makings from the cabinet and mixed it into a kettle of hot milk she'd set on the stove before she'd last left. She poured the tea into a cup and took a careful sip, smiling to herself happily.

"Come on, Ciel, we have to do something! We have to do something! We could play a game or something, but we have to do something, because I'm bored!"

"I'm busy, Soma!" Ciel shouted back impatiently.

Ravi sighed. There went a perfectly good morning. She reached up again without bothering to look, because she'd stashed the bottle herself the night before. She pulled it down and poured a healthy dose of golden liquid into her tea as the sound of footsteps grew closer.

"No Soma, I do not want to play right now, now leave me to drink my tea in peace." She sighed.

"What?" Finny tipped his head puzzled, his eyes sparkling cheerfully.

She glanced up and perked up instantly. "Oh, nothing, Finny!" she declared, instantly happier. "I'd give you some tea, but...well..." She looked at the bottle in her hand and laughed nervously. "I don't think it'd be very good for you."

"Oh that's okay!" chirped Finny happily. "I just came down for something to eat before I go to work!"

"You are seriously too cute for words." Giggled Ravi, taking a big sip of tea. "I should be very glad that Eila isn't here, she'd adopt you in like, half a second."

"Adopt like a kid?" he asked curiously.

"No, more like a little brother." She corrected thoughtfully. "Anyway, it'd just be too much cute for her to handle, and I don't want to have to reboot her."

"Oh. Okay!" He skipped over to the ice box and pulled out a few things and fixing himself some breakfast.

As he was preparing his food, Mei-Rin poked her head into the kitchen and seemed to shrink a little when she saw Finny in front of the ice box. "Oh...um...I'll just come back later." She mumbled.

Ravi glanced at her curiously. "Looking for the chocolate?" she asked knowingly. Mei-Rin blushed and nodded. Ravi looked at her tea and then shrugged. Finny had pretty much fixed her bad mood. "Here, have this. It's great not being the only woman in the house anymore, isn't it?"

Mei-Rin smiled shyly and nodded as she accepted the tea. She took a sip from the tea and Ravi waited patiently for the spit take. _Three...two...one..._

Mei-Rin sputtered and coughed as the alcohol burned her throat. "What's in this?" she gasped out.

"Oh, it's rum, I probably should have warned you, but it's really good for..." she glanced at Finny. "Well, you know, the problems of being a girl. Really, you get used to it after a while."

Mei-Rin blushed deeper but took another sip and actually managed to hold it down this time. Just then, Finny looked up. "What kind of problems?" He asked, innocently concerned about Mei-Rin.

Ravi smirked. "You'll find out when you're older, and then you'll wish you never did." Mei-Rin let out an unlady-like snort into her tea and then buried her head in the cup as she finished it off. "Hey, Mei-Rin, I don't suppose you'd want to do something fun later tonight. I'm already sick of spending so much time around men, so I could really use the girl time. We could fix each other's hair and stuff like that." She offered.

The other woman downed the rest of her tea and nodded, already considerably more comfortable around Ravi now that she had a bit of liquor in her bloodstream. "Th…that might be nice." She decided, tilting her head thoughtfully. "But I'm not sure if it will be alright with the young Master and Mister Sebastian…"

"Oh don't worry about them." Ravi waved off her concern quickly. "I've got a pretty good reason for Sebastian to let us, so if he says anything, I'll just have a word with him."

Mei-Rin glanced over the Hindi in her...rather immodest (for English style) clothing, and got a horrified look on her face.

Ravi sighed. "Not like that, darlin, jeez, why does everyone seem to think I'm some kind of..." She stopped herself quickly, remembering that Finny was still in the room.

The maid looked relieved. "Oh, okay, that's fine then!" she announced, chipper once more, but then she paused. "Then what is your reason?"

Ravi stared. "I used to know him. A long time ago. He had shorter hair. And better shoes."

"I like Mister Sebastian's shoes." Replied Mei-Rin, puzzled.

Ravi shook her head. "No, dear, you like Mister Sebastian." She sighed.

**BOUNCE-BOUNCYHOUSE-HOUSEOFCARDS-CARDCARRYINGFREAK-FREAKSHOW**

Eila tapped her fingers against the paving stones, trying to think despite the swarm of children running around her like flies. _'All right. Robbing Mr. Arsehole Druitt is out of the question now. 'm not going to push my luck like that. So..._'

"Tell us a story!" Henry ordered, effectively derailing her train of thought. A number of the other kids heard his command and immediately rushed over as well, eager to hear whatever story Eila made up this time.

The blue-faded-to-green-haired girl sighed, knowing that she wouldn't be able to get out of telling stories. Ever. At all. "Fine," she conceded, racking her brain for kids' stories that she could plagiarize. "Did I tell you the one about the kids who could change into animals?"

"Like werewolves?" one of the girls, a blonde with huge green eyes, chimed in.

Eila grinned. "Sort of, but they could change into any animal whenever they wanted. But if they stayed as an animal too long, they would be stuck like that forever. That's what happened to poor Tobias. He became a hawk." She couldn't help but smile at the entranced expressions in her audience.

"What nonsense are you telling them now?" Will snapped, making Eila squeak in surprise.

Henry answered before Eila had a chance to. "She's gonna tell us about the hawk-boy!"

Will glared slightly at Eila, who just grinned sheepishly. "What?" the girl asked innocently. "He's a nice guy! And it's not really his fault he's a bird."

"You shouldn't tell the kids stories like that," Will tried to scold her, but the kids cut him off.

"But we like her stories!"

"Yeah, but they're just stories you guys." Will explained. "They're not real, and we don't have time for all this imaginary nonsense."

"You're no fun!" pouted a little boy in the group of kids as they began to wander away from the story-telling circle.

Eila hesitated for a second before turning on Will. "You really _are _no fun at all. Loosen up a little, they're still kids!"

Will glared at her. "They may be kids, but if they keep believing all your stories, they'll be stuck in the orphanage or worse." He snapped. "Maybe I _am_ no fun, but at least I'm taking care of them. What good is it to them if they run around convinced that there's fairies and monsters and all other sorts of magical creatures?"

Eila pouted. "They need my stories like a fish needs a bicycle!"

"That made no sense." He informed her wryly.

"Exactly." She answered cheerfully. "And if they keep listening to me they might actually end being like me and when's the last time you've seen me get into any serious trouble?"

This response finally seemed to snap Will's long-suffering temper and his face went dead cold. "You don't think anything's serious, you crazy woman!" He shouted, glaring at her. "You showed up out of nowhere and manipulated Henry to ask for you to join us! You got bloody _bored_ so you decided to rob the Viscount Druitt! You got caught and you aren't even worried that he'll find you, let alone what it would mean if he did and these kids got involved!" The afore-mentioned children were hiding (rather badly) behind the shed and around corners as they listened to Will's shouting with frightened, slightly damp eyes, but the boy was too angry to even notice. "You wander around the streets dressed like a tramp because it's _boring_ to be respectable, and you tell all these Goddamn stories, filling their heads up with fairytales and bullshit just because you think it's _amusing_ that they believe you! I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason you left your fancy little home, _my lady_, is because you got bored with dresses and parties! You just decided to try something new for a change, and now these kids are going to pay the price for it, and I'm damned if I'm going to let you put them in any more danger than you already have!"

The silence was deafening as the shockwaves of his words spread throughout the alleyway, the younger kids hiding their eyes and the older ones watching, stunned.

Eila grinned, but her smile didn't come anywhere near reaching her eyes. "You know what, William? You're almost right," she said, dangerously calm. "I did have a nice comfortable home. But I don't anymore. It's gone. And I don't know what the _fucking **hell HAPPENED TO IT!"**_ Her voice rose with every word until she was shouting, all five feet, two inches of extremely angry Irish-woman, but right now she looked a hell of a lot taller. "One second, all's well and I have a family, and friends, and a nice home, and then the next it's all gone and I'm standing on the bloody _street_ in the middle of God _fucking knows where!_ Bored of the parties, my ass, you little son of a bitch, I didn't get fucking bored! I got _taken!_ And I don't know by who, or how, or even how the hell I'm going to get home! And I swear to whatever damn God you want that I'll _murder_ whoever is responsible for it all once I find them!"

Will looked like he was going to protest, but Eila cut him off before he could. "And don't you _dare_ say that I'm lying and making up stories again. I don't believe a fucking second of it either, but there's not a damn thing I can do about it now, is there? So _excuse me_ for trying to block out my situation whenever I get the chance to, all right? It's not all sunshine and fucking rainbows in my world right now!"

"You're bloody insane, you know that?" Will shouted back. "If it's so bad for you here, why don't you just get the hell out? We're better off without all of your bullshit!"

Eila's eyes stormed over and she straightened up furiously. "You know what Will? _Fuck you!_ Seriously! _NO, just go fuck yourself!_ Up a tree! Sideways with a _bloody fucking **chainsaw!**_" She yelled as she turned on her heel and stomped out of the alleyway, leaving Will's stunned and bitter face behind her. There was a tiny whimper of 'Eila, don't go,' from Henry, but she swallowed back angry tears and forced herself to ignore him.

When she was still walking over an hour later, Eila couldn't hold back tears of frustration as she mentally kicked herself for reacting like that. But she couldn't deny the anger that Will's accusation had provoked, and she knew that she'd just burned her bridges. No, she hadn't burned her bridges. She'd gone and blown the damn things up. There was no way she'd be able to go back anytime soon.

She pictured a giant mushroom cloud blossoming over London and shook herself quickly to rid herself of the thought. It was replaced by the thought of Druitt sitting in his big house and wondering about the bizarre robber and shook herself. No going back. But the image had brought back a little wry humor and she smiled wearily. "Guess I'll just have to find some other rich bastard to rob blind." She decided aloud.

Realizing that a few passers-by had been giving her odd looks, she shook her head and ducked down.

**CUTTLEFISH-FISHSTICKS-STICKYNOTES-NOTEBOOKS-BOOKSTORE-STOREFORWINTER**

Ravi froze in the middle of braiding Mei-Rin's hair, shuddering lightly. "Whoa." She muttered.

"What's wrong?" asked Mei-Rin, puzzled.

The other girl blinked a few times and went back to messing with Mei-Rin's hair. "I feel like someone just walked over my grave." She replied, her tone incredulous. "No, scratch that, I feel like a _tiger_ just walked over my grave. I haven't felt that creepy since Eila caught her boyfriend cheating on her."

"Who is this Eila you keep talking about?" asked the maid curiously. She was feeling extremely relaxed from all the pampering (nails had been painted, make-up had been applied quite liberally, and clothing had been adjusted for more 'girly' or as Ravi said 'sexy' appearance.) and the maid was leaning back against the bed as Ravi sat on top of it and brushed and braided Mei-Rin's hair.

"Oh, she's my absolute best friend, we practically grew up together." Ravi cheered up immediately . "Well, after I moved into town at least. But we get along pretty well. Anyway, point is, she rocks."

Mei-Rin nodded, understanding. "You must miss her."

"Oh, definitely." Agreed Ravi. "But there's not much point in worrying about it. I'll get home when I get home, and then we can hang out again. For now I'll just have to make do. And anyway, I'm actually having fun!"

Mei-Rin smiled and grabbed a mirror of the floor at her feet. She glanced at her reflection and blushed. "Thank you for fixing my hair for me." She muttered.

Ravi shrugged. "Are you kidding me? This is great! But you should try your new-found charms on someone who isn't asexual. In other words someone who isn't Sebastian." Ravi warned her firmly. "No good trying to get someone interested in you if they are incapable of being interested in _anybody._"

Mei-Rin blushed deeper.

**STONE-STONEWALL-WALLEDUP-UPYOURS-YOURMOM-MOMFORADAY-DAYJOBS-KEEP 'EM**

"Well, that looks promising," Eila muttered under her breath, looking up at a mansion. Large and expensive-looking, but not too pretentious. She wandered past it for a fourth time, 'casing the joint' as she called it to herself, and nodded shortly. This place would do quite nicely.

**DEADBEAT-BEATIT-ITSELF-SELFAWARENESS-NESSIE-C4BABY, WOOHOO!**

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><p><strong>AN: **Mwahahah, evil cliffie. P.S. Katelyn wishes to offer the, mostly irrelevant, piece of information that she's become addicted to the Andrews Sisters. This may or may not appear in later chapters. But Katelyn also finds great amusement in the songs Rum and Coca Cola and Strip Polka. She really didn't think that anybody in the forties would ever be that...blunt...but most especially not the Andrews Sisters who were, like, the poster children of the forties. She recommends that anybody who doesn't know these songs look them up both as music and as lyrics, because then you will understand her confusion.


	10. Questions Answered

Okay, so this is just to inform everyone that there will be a new chapter up the weekend of the 8th. How can I be so accurate you may ask? Well, my parents are getting married, and Pyro is a bridesmaid, so she _HAS_ to come home (and bring her flashdrive with her, mwahahahaha). Anyway, I just thought I'd post this because I've gotten some people asking for a new chapter soon, and I don't want anyone coming after me with a pitchfork (if you want to go after anyone with a pitchfork, go after Pyro, it's her flashdrive that's got the story on it). Also, we've been getting lots of questions about the story from someone who has disabled their private messaging feature, so I can't answer them directly. Due to this little fluke and the fact that we have received a grand total of 5 very puzzled questions from this poor girl, I have decided to alleviate some of her confusion.

First off, I have to say that most of your questions can be answered by one simple statement; You are looking for logic and reason where it simply does not exist. If it bugs you that much that we never explained that Ravi stuffed her Goth clothes into a duffel bag under her skirts or some crap like that, then you seriously need to just quit while you're behind. Second, Sebastian did catch Ravi's slip of the tongue, and most likely is aware that she is aware that he is a demon. He's just not saying anything about it because he likes screwing with people. Doesn't he do that exact thing to Ciel all the time? And third, yes, we are getting our "hindi" translations from google translate. We are well aware that they may be incorrect grammatically and in their spelling. Unfortunately, neither of us speaks Hindi and a free, online, probably crappy translator is the best we've got. I'm pretty sure we mentioned that in the author's notes at some point. Although, it should be mentioned, a lot of our translations actually come from the fact that one of us _does_ speak the language, especially with Spanish and Russian (or did we take the Russian bit out? Hell if I know.)

Anyway, the main point we ask our readers to keep in mind is that this story is being written by two people with over-active imaginations, a dry and sometimes twisted sense of humour, and a tendency to collaborate at oh dark thirty in the morning. There's not likely to be a whole lot of rhyme or reason going on to this plot line, and if the details aren't perfectly cohesive, we're just going to have to ask you to deal. We're in it for the fun, the laughs, and the reviews of people saying "you guys are insane, what the hell are you smoking?" Accuracy be damned. So, while we'll try to correct any glaring problems, if being more accurate means being less funny...

Well, we're going to have to choose funny.

We love you all, and hope you'll keep reading. We also hope that this has answered any of your burning questions, please always feel free to ask more. However, if you don't want them answered on a public page, you might want to turn your private messaging back on before you do.


	11. In Which Eila Impersonates A Kitten

**A/N: **Okay! So it's been a really long time since we actually updated, I know (I totally blame Pyro, stupid college, stupid edumacation for life.), but thankfully she is back in town for, that's right, my parents' wedding! Yea! (It's tomorrow, my mother hasn't slept in three months, and I'm currently hiding under a rock in Pyro's basement hoping to avoid bridezilla.) So, anyway, we're updating now. This is the chapter where it all comes together! This is where Ravi and Eila FINALLY run into each other. Surprisingly, the literal running-into happens with someone else...

Now, we've got a lot planned and considerably less written, but it's all going to schedule (as much of one a we have anyway...) and here are your regularly planned teasers.

We've started doing throwbacks to the old version of the story that went unpublished. The first of these in in this chapter, and it's the goldfish. Originally, when Ravi arrived, she was accompanied by a series of strange objects including a life-sized Hulk advertising statue, a pot-roast dinner, a wooden Buddha statue, and her cousin's two pet goldfish. Who were subsequently turned into sheepfood. Awwwwkwaaaard.

Eila finds a lurker, Ciel gets rightly pissed off, the girls attempt to lie to a demon, and Ravi develops a foot fetish.

As for future plans? Mwahahahaha... Well, we've already told you enough. But I will say this. For those of you who enjoyed Eila's fight scene? Prepare for an epic battle of wills and some much needed destruction-therapy with floppy swords. No, not _that_ kind. Perverts.

* * *

><p>Eila snuck through the front yard of the mansion, resisting the urge to hum the <em>Mission Impossible<em> theme. She couldn't exactly afford to get caught here – she didn't know how dangerous the owners of this place might be. It wasn't like robbing one of the least intimidating people of this reality.

She was convinced that she had managed to make it across the yard undetected, and was therefore rather surprised when an unseen hand gently-but-firmly gripped the fabric between her shoulders and lifted her completely off the ground. She squeaked in a very undignified manner.

"What are you doing here?" asked an unknown voice.

"Um… would you believe me if I said I was Santa Claus?"

"Who is Santa Claus?" asked the voice, dead-panned.

Eila managed to turn her head around and glanced at the man holding her up. Oh shi…."

He clapped a hand over her mouth. "Don't yell please. Just leave and promise never to return."

"Um….but…but I should…um, I just…." Eila stammered out, trying to come up with an explanation. The Phantomhives did have a demon after all, and who better to get her home? Well, more like who had any bloody chance at all?

"Baldroy, you pervert, get the fuck out of our room!" shouted a voice from an upstairs window. "Just because you say I'm dressed like a whore doesn't mean you're gonna get anything from me!"

"Real classy, Ravi!" shouted Eila sarcastically, a default reaction by now whenever she heard such words. Agni got a shocked look on her face and there was utter silence from above, and then suddenly Eila got the connection. "Wait, RAVI?"

"Goddamnit, there's two of them now!" shouted Baldroy, and Ravi poked her head out the window, catching sight of Eila and Agni below.

Ravi stared for a moment, and then rolled her eyes. "Put her down, you idiot, she's not going to be any trouble." Agni looked dubious at this. "No really, Agni, she's fine, she knows just as much as me, and she doesn't really feel like seeing Soma sad either. Get the hell in here!"

Eila huffed slightly in annoyance as Agni dropped her back to the ground. "Low blow, Ravi!"

"How d'you think I got Baldroy out of here?" she demanded before pulling her head back inside and slamming the window closed.

Eila shook her head in amusement. "I've missed that girl _so_ much."

"How do you- how did- What just happened?" Agni finally managed.

**WAFFLEIRON-IRONMAN-MANSLAUGHTER-SLAUGHTERHOUSEFIVE-FIVEGUYSBURGERANDFRIES**

The two girls were standing in the middle of the main hallway nervously, waiting for Ciel to stop pacing and finally say something. Agni was nowhere to be seen and Soma was lounging on the couch carelessly while the servants peeked in through the doorway.

Ciel stopped short and turned to glower at them, the steam practically visible as it poured from his ears. If Eila hadn't been so terrified, she would have started laughing at the sight of Angry!Ciel because it was too similar to a pout. As it was, she cleared her throat and glanced over at Ravi, who was filing her nails with a pocketknife; a sure sign that she was mid-panic attack.

"Do you two even _know_ the kind of trouble you're in?" Shouted Ciel angrily, glaring at them.

"Bad?" Asked Ravi timidly.

"Well, let's see, my knowledge of who you are coupled with an _extremely_ graphic imagination means yes. Yes I do." Added Eila, rambling a bit in her nervousness.

"Bad." Confirmed Ravi, nodding shortly. "Look, if you could just give me two minutes…."

"No! I will bloody well not give you two minutes!" Growled Ciel. "It's bad enough to have to deal with one of you bloody harlots in my house, but I do not need another one to look after! Especially not one who looks like she's been living on the streets for the last few weeks!"

"I _have_ been living on the streets!" Protested Eila, frustrated. "It's not my fault Ravi managed to find a cushy home when all I got was an alleyway!"

"And excuse me, but I don't think you've done any _taking care of_ since I arrived!" retorted Ravi angrily. "I've been taking care of both myself, the Prince, Agni, _and_ bits of your household! You're in no place to complain about me being a burden!"

"Yet you don't protest being called a harlot?" Questioned Ciel ironically.

Ravi shrugged. "You reap what you sow, and besides that, I've been called worse."

"I resent it, but I can't really complain right now, so…." Eila trailed off vaguely.

"I'm hungry Ciel, when are you going to stop interrogating my maid so she can make me dinner?"

All three other people in the room turned and glared at the boy who flinched back slightly and then slid off the couch before stalking haughtily out of the room. "Dork." Muttered Eila.

"Yeah, but he really does mean well." Sighed Ravi. "It's hard to stay mad at the idiot."

"Would you two focus?" Demanded Ciel angrily.

Ravi raised an eyebrow at him. "I can't focus. Being psychic is sort of like having ADHD."

Eila glanced at her friend strangely. "You told them what now?"

Ravi glared at Eila meaningfully. "It's okay, Eila, I told them all about it, after all, they did have some _questions_ as to why I know so much about what's going on."

Eila just stared. "You are such a pain sometimes!" she shouted annoyed. "That's not just your secret to tell you know!"

"Well it's not like I had any other choice!" Retorted Ravi in frustration. "I mean, I would have been in so much trouble if I hadn't! I didn't say anything about you, though, so you just outed yourself!"

"What, both of you are psychic?" Asked Ciel dryly.

"How d'you think we know each other so well?" Replied both girls in unison before they stared at each other. "Stop that." Again at the same time. "Well shit, not again."

Eila gestured to Ravi who swept a hand out in invitation. "Ah, finally, I hate it when we get into that cycle." Sighed Eila gratefully. "Alright, so here's the thing, we're both a little….out-of-place right now, and this is really the only place either of us has to be. I was hoping that you would just let me work here a while until Ravi and I can figure out how to get back."

"And if you refuse, I'm ditching Agni, the Prince, and all their problems, of which I assure there are plenty more to come, with you and heading straight for the Queen's Charleses for help.'

Eila turned to her. "Wouldn't that just be Charles?"

"No, there are two of them." Pointed out Ravi.

"Yeah, but I thought it would pluralize like deer, you know, one deer, two deer, many deer, lots of deer." Countered Eila.

"Would you both _shut up?_" Shouted Ciel. "Christ, you women are worse than that Prince because you've got half a brain!"

"I've got considerably more than half a brain, sir." Said Eila calmly. "Although I'm not quite sure about Ravi."

"Only three eighths of one." Decided the other girl seriously. "But I use one hundred percent of it, so it counts for more than most people's whole brains."

Ciel twitched slightly and seemed to be restraining the urge to kill the girls (or, more likely, to order Sebastian to kill them for him). Ravi threw her hands up in the air and paced in a small circle before turning back to Ciel. "Look, psychic or not, strange or not, _irritating_ or not…."

"Definitely irritating." Broke in Ciel and this time it was Ravi who twitched dangerously.

"We _are_ useful." Finished Ravi, ignoring him. "And the fact remains that…." She tensed and looked a little like she would rather swallow a live goldfish than say the next thing on her mind. "We actually….need….your….help….oh God, I feel sick." She ducked out of the room looking rather green.

Eila glared after her. "Seeing as I have much less of a mental block about asking for help, I'll speak for us. We really do need your help, Ciel. We're in a rather….unusual situation, and we could use the talents of the Queen's watchdog right now. Suffice to say we're going to need a very unique solution for our problem."

"Why should I help you?" demanded Ciel. "You were caught trying to rob my house!"

"_Believe me_." Eila glanced at Sebastian nervously. "If I had known this was your house, I would have stayed away. I was just trying to find a new mark since Druitt caught me the last time."

Ciel looked surprised. "_You_ were the one robbing the Viscount Druitt?" Eila nodded. "Why in hell would you do that?"

Eila stared at him. "Are you kidding? Why wouldn't I? The man's a pompous little Foppish bastard, and he throws _lousy_ parties!"

Ciel twitched again but quickly tried to hide it, remembering the comment about the two girls being psychic and hoping they hadn't seen what he was just thinking about. But then Ravi popped her head back in, clearly feeling much more cheerful. "By the way, tell Sebastian I _have_ to know where he got those boots. _Damn_ honey!"

"You with the shoes," Eila groaned. "Always with the shoes. What is your obsession, woman?"

"Foot fetish?" Suggested Ravi, grinning widely and ducking back out of the hall as Eila glared daggers at her.

**WELL-WELLDONE-DONEDEAL-DEALWITHTHEDEVIL-DEVIL'SFOODCAKE-CAKEORDEATH?**

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><p><strong>AN: **What, did you think we were serious about the foot fetish? No, that's Katelyn's ex.

...he's not to be spoken of.

Also, just thought we'd mention (since we've done it like six times already), that we're changing the character names in the description page with each chapter in order to reach the greatest possible audience. Don't worry, we manage to make _every_ character a main character here. Mostly because the story won't exist without Sebastian and Ciel, but Pyro and I like the side characters _way_ more than those two, so we like writing them more. In other words, unless they die, they'll keep starring in chapters until the end of the story. Which may be coming sooner than we all thought...


	12. In Which Kali Is Invoked

**A/N:** Hey everybody, we're back! Or more accurately, Pyro is. I know it's been a while, and we've probably lost a lot of people due to absence, but I swear that we're actually keeping up with things and that we're managing to update every time Pyro comes home and will be continuing to do so. Anyway, on to the less serious and reassuring part of the author's notes!

By the way. Do people actually bother reading these? Do you all think our semi-psychotic pre-chapter ramblings are amusing or do you all just look at them and go "fuck, they're still on about it. get a move on, ladies!" Seriously, sometimes I just feel like we're being too...us.

But aaaaaanyyyywhosawhatsit...

In the following chapter, there isn't much that needs to be explained, so I'll just go right into the chapter teasers and the story teasers from here. Baldroy is a pervert (not like that's news to anyone), Agni cries blood and Eila thinks he should get some medical attention (because seriously, that cannot be good for you, and why the hell do all the other characters feel that it's normal!), there is some overly rambunctious praying, and Ravi enters mother-of-all-bitch modes, a wedding goes badly, Eila adopts Finny, Soma is naive, stories are shared, a maid is looked for, and the truth is explained to a mildly amused demon.

In future news, the very next chapter will contain an impressively choreographed bitch-fight for honor, profit, venting, and kicks. There will be heavy swearing and a liberal dose of character revelation/development. Next chapter will begin the readers learning more about Eila and Ravi's lives. Hijinks will ensue, and then the girls will get successfully home...more or less...

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><p>"MORNING MAIDS!" Shouted Soma, bursting through the doors of Ravi's room where Eila had decided to crash for the night. "Hey Ravi, aren't you going to make me some tea?" He stopped, suddenly realizing exactly what he was looking at. Both girls were cuddled under the blankets, with Eila clinging tightly to Ravi who wore a rather exasperated expression. "Um..."<p>

Ravi sighed tiredly. "Great." She muttered, glaring down at the curly green head that was burrowed into the pillow by her neck. "This again. Why is it that, no matter how many times I shove her out of bed, she always goes right back to cuddling as soon as I'm asleep?"

"How often do you two share a bed?" Asked Soma, although the comfort with which he asked made it clear that he was _not_ thinking the way Baldroy would have.

Naturally, at that moment, Baldroy himself walked past the door, paused, and backed up to look in. "Well, well, what have we here?" He chuckled to himself. "I guess this explains what you and Mei Rin were doing last night."

"You. Are an ass." Decided Ravi, grabbing the pillow from under Eila's head, although failing in the double purpose of waking the other girl up, and chucking it at Baldroy's head. "As if it ain't very plain and simple that Mei Rin's had her eye on Sebastian for God knows how long! And just because your brain is a triple X throwdown, doesn't mean that real life is like that!"

"But ain't it a pretty thought?" Replied Baldroy smugly as he ducked out of dodge of yet another pillow.

Soma just looked confused and Ravi rolled her eyes and shoved Eila off the bed. The green haired girl tumbled out onto the floor with a loud thump and bolted upright. "Hey! What giv...Oh people."

"Get up. I've got to babysit, and you're making tea." Grumbled Ravi, climbing out of bed.

"Yea! Tea!" Eila clapped happily and jumped up. She glanced over at Soma who was still standing in the doorway, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Changing. Out. You." She ordered, her sentences still in the rudimentary phase due to the rather early hour. But Soma got the message anyway and left, completely forgetting to shut the door behind him.

Ravi sighed and closed the door before going over to the closet and pulling out the dress she'd been wearing for the last few days. She shook her head at it and started to dress. "I really need better clothes if we're going to be stuck here a while." She commented.

"You're one to talk." Declared Eila, glancing at the raggedy dress she'd tossed aside at random the previous night. "Yours may not match your style, but at least you look halfway decent." She paused before shrugging and pulling it on anyway. "And not like a hobo."

"Speaking of which, how exactly were you spending your time out there on the streets, because you were latched onto me like a mollusk on a rock when Soma came in this morning and I'm going to have a bitch of a time getting Baldroy to let well enough alone." Ravi told her, annoyed.

Eila winced slightly, remembering the recent blowup that had gotten her exiled from the kids and into the mansion. "I sort of recruited myself into a street gang. Of little kids. Street kid babysitting. You get used to having small children clinging onto you at night. I think I phrased that badly."

"You think?" agreed Ravi, shaking her head. "Don't you know better than to get yourself into that kind of place? You're not made for the streets, Eiles, you know it and I know it. How many fights did you wind up in?"

"Only one of the punch-ey kind," the girl retorted defensively. "More than a few of the yell-ey kind, though. I'd rather not talk about those thankyouverymuch."

"And I don't care to listen to them." Snapped Ravi. "Jeez, Eila, you probably haven't even checked to see if you took any bad punches afterwards did you?"

"Um...not exactly?" offered Eila. "I was more worried about the kids. Especially Henry. And anyway, nothing hurt too bad."

Ravi just ignored her and stalked out of the room, leaving Eila to herself to figure out how to get to the kitchen and make tea for God knew how many people. Glancing down the hallway offered no helpful clues in either direction, so she turned left on a whim.

**BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP -YOUR-REGULARLY-SCHEDULED-PAGE-BREAK-IS-EXPERIENCING-TECHNICAL-DIFFICULTIES-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP**

"Are they really psychic, Sebastian?" Asked Ciel dubiously, pacing along the wall of windows. "Or are they just saying that?"

"I cannot quite tell, Young Master." Replied Sebastian slowly. "They are most certainly human in nature, but there is something curious about them, something not quite normal to this realm."

"So they _are_ Underworld?" Ciel stopped pacing and looked up.

Sebastian shook his head. "No. The abnormality is, in itself, a distinct _lack_ of magical energy." He explained, slightly puzzled himself. "Less even than most humans have. I'm afraid that they are something I cannot quite understand, especially since they seem to know things they shouldn't, despite not being magical."

"Aw, Sebastian, you shouldn't have!" Giggled Ravi from where she was leaning against the doorway.

Ciel twitched as if trying to keep himself from jumping. "How long have you been standing there?" He snapped.

"Since about 'not quite normal in this realm'." She replied easily. "Which is pretty understandable since we aren't."

"Aren't what?" Demanded Ciel, annoyed.

"From this realm." Ravi rolled her eyes. "Jeez, honey, keep up. Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's my fault too, but don't tell Eila that or she might chase me up a tree. I was messing around with some pretty heavy equipment in the physics lab. Anyway, where we come from, it's not so much psychic as premonitions, which would be why they're so vague about some things and specific about others. And why it doesn't seem all magic-y."

"Sebastian?"

The demon shrugged and glanced over at the black and red haired girl one more time. "It is as good an explanation as any, Young Master."

"Well then why didn't you say it before?" Sighed the earl, clearly frustrated.

Ravi looked at him like he was crazy. "I'm sorry, but how exactly would you feel if you had to explain to someone that you were not only from a different time, but a different dimension?" She retorted waspishly. "Seriously? I panicked, okay?"

"And your friend?"

"She thought you were going to kill us both, and she sucks at quick thinking in high pressure situations, so she just followed my lead." Sighed Ravi.

"And the Prince?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Are you kidding? That idiot? If I'd tried to explain my situation to him, he'd have thought I was playing some kind of game. Worse than useless."

Ciel looked away. "Well, at least we agree on one thing." He muttered under his breath.

At that moment, Agni come bursting cheerfully through the doors. "Good morni...Oh. You're all awake already. Mister Sebastian, I hope you don't mind that I took the liberty of preparing breakfast for the household."

Ciel just groaned and lifted a hand to his forehead. "I'm just going to have to get used to this, aren't I?" He guessed wearily.

"Pretty much." Agreed Ravi. "That is, if you want to get rid of Eila and me any time soon, because we're not going anywhere without help."

"Wonderful."

**WHERE'SWALDO-WALDORFSALAD-SALADDRESSING-DRESSINGSCREEN-SCREENINGYOURDCALLS-CALLOFTHEWILD**

A while later, Eila wandered into the dining room and stood by the door uncertainly. Ravi looked up and frowned. "What?"

"I smelled food." Said Eila, by way of explanation. "I'm with you." She grabbed a chair and sat down beside Ravi, starting to load her plate with food.

Ravi shrugged and ignored the others' strange looks, but Eila flinched slightly, avoiding Ceil and Sebastian's eyes. "She has been on the streets for a while." She commented lightly. "Probably hasn't had a decent meal in a while."

"'M right here." Mumbled Eila, glaring at her friend.

"And still not awake, or you'd have made it to breakfast fifteen minutes ago." Countered Ravi firmly.

"I got lost!" Eila protested.

"Enough!" Snapped Ciel, causing Eila to flinch again and fall silent. "Look, you all may be my guests, but that doesn't mean I can suddenly open up my schedule to entertain you. Ravi, I expect you to look after the Prince, and Eila, Agni..." He paused, frowning slightly. "Just...keep busy and out of my way."

"Yes, Your Highness." Muttered Ravi peevishly, and Ciel glared at her sharply. She was just looking down at her plate and stabbing a piece of potato, so he pretended that he hadn't heard.

"Now, I still haven't heard why you three are in London to begin with, Prince." Said Ciel, turning his gaze over to Soma and Agni.

"We're here looking for someone." Explained Soma haughtily. "She was a maid in my household and she was kidnapped!"

"Kidnapped?" repeated Ciel dubiously. He seriously doubted this prince's ability to understand the complexities of the world, so 'kidnapped' seemed a bit presumptuous. "And you think she came to London?"

"Yes! I'm sure of it! She is a most honourable woman! She must be so very frightened in the strangeness of your country! Mina was the most lovely, sweetest maid in my palace, and she was like a sister to me! I must find her and bring her safely home!"

The rolling of Ravi's eyes was not missed by the guest at the table who was hardly ever noticed until he spoke. "So you haven't been with the prince forever Miss Ravi, you're just Mina's temporary replacement." Lau observed.

"Put down the knife Ravi." Sighed Eila, not looking up from her food.

A vein in the other girl's neck pulsed, but she obeyed and gritted her teeth. "Yes. I joined the Prince and Mister Agni in London's Indian section. I was looking for work."

"Ah, did the wedding go badly?" Asked Lao sympathetically.

The Indian girl slammed her fork down on the table and pushed the chair back, stomping off. Eila just looked up simply. "She doesn't like to talk about it." She explained before going back to her food.

Lao nodded agreeably and Agni looked confused. "But she told me there had never been an engagement."

Eila shrugged like it was obvious. "Didn't I just say she didn't like talking about it?"

"Back on topic please!" Ordered Ciel.

"Well, since I have saved your life, you can repay me by helping me find Mina!" Announced Soma, without the intention of receiving a 'no'.

"I'm afraid the Young Master will not be able to do so because he must perform his studies." Interrupted Sebastian. "But I will be happy to assist in the investigation afterwards."

"Excellent!" Declared Soma, jumping up and raced over to a giant statue of Kali that had most definitely not been there when breakfast started. He and Agni both dropped to their knees in front of the statue and begin praying.

When Eila looked up, she frowned, glancing at the statue, Agni, Soma, and Ravi who was quietly meditating at the foot of the statue with an extremely annoyed expression and practically visible storm clouds over her head. "When the heck did you guys get Kali in here?" She demanded, taken aback. "That statue definitely wasn't here when I walked in, and I know that Ravi stomped out of here a few minutes ago."

Everyone ignored her question as Ciel, Sebastian, and Lao stared at the three Indians by Kali's foot. "Is that..." Ciel stopped and tilted his head.

"It looks nothing so much as a statue of a woman dancing in a frenzy on the abdomen of a man whilst carrying severed heads and wearing a necklace of said heads..." Sebastian trailed off thoughtfully.

"It's Kali, and would you two mind, I'm meditating here!" Snapped Ravi, shooting a glare over at Agni and Soma. "Every time I get a quiet moment, it's you two with the shouting prayers! You know, it doesn't matter how loud you are, she can't hear you any better!" She got up and stalked back out of the room.

"Kali?" asked Ciel, confused.

Eila's eyes widened as she recognized the beginning of one of Agni's crying-blood tirades and decided to follow Ravi's example, ducking out of the dining hall just as the impassioned shouting began. "Hey! Ravi? Ravi, wait up!" She called down the hall, but the other girl didn't slow down so she paused, trying to remember how she had gotten into the dining room. If she could, then hopefully she wouldn't get lost again.

She pouted slightly, and decided to turn left again, although she barely made it five steps down the hall before being hit with what felt like a small truck. "FUCK!" She shouted, the last word she got out before she hit the floor. The air rushed out of her lungs uncomfortably fast, leaving her wheezing rather pathetically. "...Ow...?"

"Are you okay?" Eila became aware of a concerned expression hovering inches from her face and squeaked. "I'm really really sorry! I should have been watching where I was going who are you?" Finny continued to babble nervously as he helped Eila back to her feet so she could catch her breath. "Did you come here with the Prince too? I'm really sorry! You're not hurt are you? Your hair is green. Are you friends of the-"

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Eila interrupted him, holding up one hand in a 'stop!' position. "Slow down, little child!" Finny looked up at her with wide eyes, and Eila giggled slightly. "You're adorable. Stop it."

"Stop what?" Finny asked nervously.

Eila giggled again. "Being adorable! What's your name?" she added as an afterthought, thinking that it would be odd if she forgot to avoid using his name before he told her.

"I'm Finny!" he grinned.

"...You're still being cute!" Eila grinned, ignoring Finny's cry of 'I'm sorry!' and hugging him. "That's it, you're my new little brother. I'm adopting you. Oh, my name's Eila, by the way."

"Hey, Ravi was right!"

"...About what?"

**SHIP'SHOLD-HOLDOUT-OUTTAKE-TAKEOVER-OVERREACT-REACTIONTIME-TIMEDTEST**

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><p><strong><strong>**A/N:** So yeah, that was the next chapter. Hope you liked, please review. Like seriously, you have to review, because it's been forever since we got any comments on this, and we're starting to fell unloved... We miss you guys. Even all the weird questions and the people who kept saying "yeah, it's pretty Sue-ish, but..." So yeah, please review when you read this. Please. Please. Not to sound desperate, but we are, so just...please. We have no lives, no loves, and no distractions so this is all we've got to keep our creative incarnations appeased. And we'll update again as soon as we can. (For the record, pleas for reviews are not meant as a threat that we won't update. That's along the lines of using water-boarding as an interrogation technique, and I'm a firm believer in the Geneva Convention, so just no. Pyro also agrees, but that's more just because she prefers more medieval torture methods such as actually giving you more of this disturbingly sociopathic and lengthy content to digest.) On that note, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will enjoy the next one sometime around Christmas.


	13. Yes, This Is Our Idea Of Therapy

**A/N: **Okay! So here is the scene we've been hinting at for, like, ever, and we're only giving you a one-taste chapter (partially because this is the only way this scene works, and partially because we may or may not be posting another chapter later in the month if we can). We won't spoil it entirely, but let me just tell you, it's a bit of a mwahaha scene for us and an Ohmigod WTF scene for you. Sort of. Just saying.

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><p><strong>*Note: You HAVE to read the author's note at the end of this chapter. You have to. Because it is literally essential to this chapter and your resulting sanity, as well as the only source of light in these dark times. Basically, you just have to read the ending notes because you need to and we say so.<strong>

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN HERE AND WHY ISN'T RAVI DOING HER JOB?" Ciel's furious shouting brought everyone running into the lessons room from wherever they were. Ciel rounded on Ravi as soon as she darted in, glaring at her. "Don't give me excuses!" He snapped. "Just get him out of here."

"Come on, Ciel, don't get so angry!" Wheedled Soma, getting up from the rug that he was laying on. "Would it really be that much trouble to play with me for a while?"

Ciel twitched and glared at him. "Fine. I'll take you on if you're so desperate for attention."

He tossed Soma a foil and the prince caught it easily. "So, if I win this, you'll play with me?" He checked.

"If you _can_ win, that is." Agreed Ciel darkly. "If not, then you'll behave yourself and stay out of my way for the rest of the day."

The 'epic battle" that followed lasted only about three seconds, but felt interminably longer because of Soma's constant whining. It only ended after Soma called Ciel a coward and came remarkably close to getting stabbed with the rubber tipped sword in Ciel's hand. Surprisingly, Ravi reached the prince before Agni did, scooping up the foil that the prince had dropped and ignoring Agni's flustered apologies for not being quick enough. "A prince is still a prince." She said quietly.

Ciel looked surprised and glanced over at Soma. "I can't fight a _girl_!" He protested, turning back to Ravi and finding himself face to face with the tip of her foil.

Lao took a look at the tense moment and snatched Ciel's foil out of his hand. "Well then..." He tossed it to Eila, having noticed the tension between the two girls at breakfast. "I'm sure Miss Eila will have no such reservations."

Sebastian's eyes narrowed and he tipped his head slightly, noticing that Ravi hadn't lowered her foil or aimed it in a different direction. "Very well then. Miss Ravi fights for Prince Soma, and Miss Eila fights for Earl Phantomhive."

Baldroy, who was lurking with the servants and watching the duels, perked up at this, eyeing the two girls in their skirts and bodices with interest. "Excellent! A cat-fight!"

"Are you ladies aware of dueling regulations?" Asked Sebastian calmly.

"Yes." Answered both girls at once.

"But I have a better idea." Decided Eila. "Faire rules?" She offered her friend.

Ravi shook her dark head, stepping back from Ciel and lowering her foil. She pulled a tie from her wrist and tied her hair back quickly, glancing over at Eila. "No. Arena rules."

Eila's eyes narrowed, and everyone else looked puzzled. "Deal."

Both girls raised their foils and began to pace a circle around the middle of the room. "What's your problem today, anyway?" Asked Eila, annoyed. "First this morning you get all snappy, then you're talking over me at breakfast, and then you ignore me for hours. What's even going on with you?" She thrust her foil forward, and Ravi quickly parried.

"Hey, look, I'm not the one who went and pulled a bloody Leroy Jenkins in the middle of a street fight!" Snapped Ravi, lunging towards Eila, and missing only because the other girl dodged quickly.

Eila sidestepped around her friend and turned to keep facing her. "Like you've never done that? Have you _forgotten_ what happened when we worked together at Aperture?"

"That's a _game_ Eiles!" Retorted Ravi, quickly blocking a forward thrust from the green-haired girl's foil. "This is real! And you don't even think before diving right in to get your lights punched out when you know damn well that you're _terrible _at unarmed fights!"

Eila snorted in a most unladylike manner, whacking Ravi's blade away from her face with unnecessary force. "You're one to talk about games. I was busy helping to keep myself and _thirteen other people_ from starving to death while you're prancing about with _those_ two morons!" In the background, she heard Ciel snicker and Soma shout '_Hey!_' when he realized he had been insulted.

"Yeah, because you're the only one who ever lived like that!" Snapped Ravi angrily, finally catching Eila in the arm with the side of her foil. "At least I know how to handle myself! I wouldn't have been out robbing a psychopath for money and laughs! And it hasn't been all milk and sugar over here ya know! I've been freaking out about this just as much as you, so screw you, honey!"

Eila actually growled at the other, jabbing the foil towards her friend with a bit too much force. Ravi just barely parried the blow, only to get an elbow in her side. "You're _absolutely right_. I was there with _no_ idea how to deal with it! So _EXCUSE ME_ for being a bit stressed!"

"Naraka kamabahkta!" Growled Ravi, and there were coughs and sputters from Agni and Soma at the unladylike phrase, as the girl stumbled back and quickly recovered from the blow to fend off an attack from Eila, but she was on the offensive now.

"Is that legal?" Asked Lao, actually looking vaguely concerned. "I mean, are they _actually _trying to kill each other? I thought they were friends."

"It's legal, we're only making it look like we are, and we are." Said Ravi, leaving no room for argument. "And stressed Eila? Really? _Stressed?_ And you think I haven't been? You think this isn't hard for me to handle? Why can't you just take anything _seriously_ for once?" At this point Ravi threw a kick that actually caught Eila in the side.

"GODDAMN FUCKING BITCH!" Eila flat-out screamed at Ravi, recovering from the kick and actually shoving the other girl to the ground. "YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"

"Kutte ka aulad!" Swore Ravi viciously as she fell backwards, her hands flying up to protect her face from Eila's furious clawing.

Soma's face turned a rather hilarious shade of purple, and Lao jumped a little. "That definitely can't be legal." He muttered.

There was a swift and furious tussle between the two girls which definitely seemed to be going Eila's way. The green-haired girl had raw fury on her side and Ravi seemed to not be putting up much of a fight. "Get off me, you bloody, _bitch!_" Snarled Ravi, shoving at her friend as hard as she could. "Don't make me _fucking hurt you!_"

"Like you could!" Shouted Eila, grinning triumphantly as she held Ravi down.

"You asked for it." Ravi hooked a leg around Eila's and wrapped her arms around the other girl's neck and _twisted._ The girls flipped over quickly, and Ravi grabbed Eila's forehead and chin, pinning her arms to the ground by sitting on Eila's chest, and leaning forward on her hands. "Calm down, Eiles, don't make me put you out."

Eila was glaring up at her friend, but she wasn't angry anymore so much as feeling very hurt and upset, and wishing she could cry but refusing to do so in front of everyone else. "Yeah, whatever." She mumbled.

Ravi stared at her for another moment, trying to tell if she was serious, and then got up slowly, holding out a hand. Eila took it and Ravi helped her up, and the two girls hugged tightly for a moment. When they pulled apart, Ravi grinned. "Feelin' better?"

"Much." Agreed Eila thoughtfully.

"You're letting me check you out for a concussion or anything later, and then you're gonna tell me everything, got it?" Questioned the Indian, and Eila nodded.

"Only if you do the same."

"Deal."

The two girls turned to leave the room together, leaving everyone else behind. Soma frowned as the door swung shut behind them. "So wait a moment." He protested. "Who won?"

**OLD-MOTHER-HUBBARD-AND-HER-DAMN-EMPTY-CUPBOARDS-RESULT-IN-ONE-DEAD-DOG**

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><p><strong>AN:** And the answer to who won the fight? We did. Both of us. And all the canon characters lost. Including Lao. Especially Lao. Lao more than anybody else in the whole goddamned universe!

...Bastard...

(Pyro: Loveable bastard...)

((Katelyn: Ridiculously fucking gorgeous bastard...))

(((Pyro: Isn't that a bit over-kill?)))

((((Katelyn: No. Never. There is no such thing as over-kill when Lao is involved. Now shut up, back off, and give me the fucking table, I will _show_ him the Great Wall of China!))))

(((((Pyro: First off, that was a terrible analogy. Second, that was so inappropriate. Seriously. I don't even- That's it. I'm leaving. Goodbye. Until the next chapter, obviously.)))))

((((((Katelyn: You know, you'd think she'd be used to me by now...))))))


	14. Goddamned Curry Arc

**A/N:** Okay, so this is a really fast update to make up for all of the other really slow updates and for the last one which was not only slow, but also short. We hope you forgive us. It's also probably worth mentioning that Katelyn was pretty decently high while writing most of this. No, not the illegal kind high, high like two days out of surgery and still having to take lotsa painkillers. Pyro wishes to mention that Katelyn is really amusing when she's taking prescription painkillers. Katelyn would like to counter that at least she's interesting on painkillers versus Pyro who simply falls asleep (no that's not something that's happened recently, but it has happened). Anyway, this should explain not only one of the page breaks (you'll know which one, trust us) but also some of the strangeness in the chapter.

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><p><strong>OLD-MOTHER-HUBBARD-AND-HER-DAMN-EMPTY-CUPBOARDS-RESULT-IN-ONE-DEAD-DOG<strong>

"Okay basically we're stuck in the Kuroshitsuji universe, in the Phantomhives household." Summed up Ravi quickly. "You were hanging with a bunch of orphans in London's East end only a few miles from where I was hiding out in the India district. You've gotten into fights, but you _are_ actually okay, and I know you're still hiding something from me, but I'll leave that for now. So the question now is what the fuck we're going to do from here."

Eila shrugged. "As far as I can see, the best plan is to figure out how to get home," she said. "And for me, at least, to try to keep away from canon as much as possible. Especially since the circus arc is coming up soon."

Ravi nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, and we have to agree on something right now. No affecting canon more than necessary. God only knows what'll happen if we do."

"I'm hoping narrative casualty would prevent any major changes. But I'd rather not risk it either way."

The two girls were sitting cross-legged on their bed across from each other. "Yeah. But back to the earlier topic of getting home. What are we supposed to do?"

Eila shrugged. "Figure out how we got here first, I guess." Ravi looked suddenly very preoccupied with the covers on the bed, and Eila glared at her. "You. Didn't."

Ravi winced slightly. "Um….maybe?"

Eila didn't bother answering, choosing instead to fling a pillow at her friend's head.

The other girl ducked, but still caught a corner of the pillow on her head. "Hey! I swear, I didn't really mean to!" Eila's glare hardened. "Okay, maybe I did! But I didn't mean to get us both _here_ or even one of us. It was just supposed to be basic time travel!"

"And you thought that was a good thing?" Demanded Eila sarcastically. "Jegus, Ravi, what the hell were you thinking?"

Ravi pouted. "I was _thinking_ about how nice a Nobel Prize for quantum physics would look on my fireplace. I wasn't thinking too hard about anything else." She admitted reluctantly.

"And you say _I'm_ impulsive." Sighed Eila, shaking her head. "Fine, so you did some crazy hocus pocus with the research lab's stuff and probably don't even remember what it was," A sheepish look from Ravi was all the other girl needed to confirm this belief. "So we're just going to have to get Sebastian or one of the Shinagami to magic us back if they can."

"And if they can't?" Asked The Hindi nervously.

Eila stared at her. "Then we'll be wanting to find us some rich boys to marry and fast." She replied darkly.

**WITCHHAZEL-HAZELWITCH-WITCHTRIALS-TRIALSANDTRIBULATIONS-….WAIT, WHAT ARE TRIBULATIONS AGAIN?**

Ravi and Eila stumbled into the dining room sometime late the next morning, and Ravi dragged her fingers through her tousled black hair sleepily. "Why didn't anyone wake us?" She mumbled. "I'd have helped with breakfast."

They both stopped and stared at the table loaded with various curry dishes and then looked over at Soma who was sniffling in his seat as he poked at the plate of curry remnants in front of him. Eila turned to look at her friend and then grinned widely. "I'm just a deer." She quipped cheerfully, and both girls burst out laughing as Soma stared at them in astonishment.

"Wait, did you just…" The prince started to ask, looking hopelessly confused. "But… Did you follow us or… How did you…?"

"Congratulations, Eila, you've officially broken the prince's ability to form complete sentences." Announced Ravi calmly, dropping into a chair and piling curry and rice onto her plate. She took a big bite and then grimaced. "This is one of the earlier attempts, isn't it? God, I really hope he gets better faster." She pushed the plate over to Eila who shrugged and dug in happily while Ravi took a more cautious serving of a different curry which was apparently more to her liking.

Soma stared in vague horror at the way Eila seemed completely unconcerned over the curry's quality. It didn't go unnoticed. "What?" she asked. "I'm not picky. Food's food, and I like food."

At just that moment, Ravi bit into a piece of chicken and went completely red in the face from the spiciness of it. Soma noticed and looked guilty at not having warned her. Ravi quickly scraped that batch of curry onto Eila's plate as well. "Yours." She muttered.

"But she won't be used to it!" Protested Soma, worriedly.

"Trust me, she's used to it." Ravi assured him. "She's very used to it, she eats peppers." Soma stared at her blankly. "You know, hot spicy vegetables, jalapeños, bell, green, ortegas, that sort of thing." He was still staring bemusedly when Lao walked into the room and Ravi turned to him impatiently. "You know what I'm talking about, peppers, like those things you put in the spicy Chinese food to cook with, but that you're not supposed to eat? Well, she ate them. Like three of them. It was horrifying." Lao's eyebrows raised almost to the point of disappearing into his hairline. "I know, right?"

Eila grinned. "It was worth it!" She mumbled through a mouthful of disturbingly spicy curry. "And delicious." Soma's bemused stare was back to one of horror and Lao seemed to have decided that this whole thing was not worth thinking too much about. He sat down across from the girls and began to dole curry onto his plate. Eila swallowed her bite quickly and pointed at Soma. "And you would _not_ believe how much money I've made off of bets that I couldn't eat some of this stuff. It's got to be, like, six hundred by now."

Ravi winced. "I think the spoonful of fresh wasabi was the scariest." She decided thoughtfully. "Although the Chinese peppers were a close second."

"Spicy, nom, nom, nom!" Laughed Eila.

"You're Irish!" Protested Ravi. "You're not _supposed_ to be able to tolerate spicy foods, let alone _enjoy_ them!"

The other girl shrugged easily. "I've never been known to adhere to stereotypes." She declared, leaning forward to put more of the spicy curry on her plate.

"One of these days, you are going to get _such _a bad acid burn on your tongue, woman!" Growled Ravi. "And I am _not_ going to give your tongue a milk bath."

Eila stopped chewing. "...A what now?" She asked dryly.

At that point, Soma and Lao were both just watching the two girls with conflicting amusement and astonishment. Ravi opened her mouth to explain, but thought better of it and snapped her mouth closed again, just shaking her head in disapproval.

Eila shrugged and went back to her curry. "You know, Sebastian really needs some help with this curry. I mean, it's not the worst thing I've ever tasted, but it's definitely not your mom's curry. Whew, this stuff'll clear your sinuses!"

Soma stared. "How is she...? How?"

Ravi just shook her head again. "Eila, like many freaks of her kind, has a rather remarkable ability to survive even the most idiotic of endeavors."

"Like jumping off Flag Rock at Stony Beach and nearly cracking my head open?" Eila offered.

"Several. Times. And multiple ribs, too." Agreed Ravi, not looking up from her breakfast.

"Well how was I supposed to figure out where the rocks are?" Demanded Eila indignantly.

"You aren't!" Exclaimed Ravi hotly. "You're just not supposed to jump off rocks in the first place!"

"How are you still alive?" Asked Lao in a disturbingly mild tone.

"Oh, that's easy, when your dad's best friend is a contortionist, you learn to compensate." Said Eila promptly.

"Ah, of course, I should have known it would be something so simple." Agreed Lao reasonably. "Really, I don't know what came over me."

The Indian girl turned to glance at him and raised an eyebrow. "You have no idea what's going on, do you?"

"Not in the least." He responded before digging into his own curry with enthusiasm just as Eila waved a hand in front of the prince's frozen stare of horror.

"Not to interrupt your little conversation, but we have more important things to deal with right now." Announced Ciel. "The curry competition is far too soon for us to be laying about." Eila raised her hand like a student in class and Ciel glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. "Yes?"

"Um, Ravi's pretty good at making curry." She suggesting, pointing at her friend.

Ravi glared at Eila darkly. "Don't do that!" She hissed.

But it was too late and Ciel nodded. "Miss Jones, you'll be helping Sebastian then. Do try not to foul it up too badly, would you?"

Ravi got up with a sigh. "I guess it wouldn't do any harm to at least give him a few pointers so he doesn't go burning off people's taste buds." She admitted with a pointed look at Eila. The other girl's eyes widened comically, but her mouth was too full for her to speak.

Soma perked up slightly. "Once you make a decent batch, make sure I get some so I can rid myself of this horrible taste." He ordered imperiously.

"I'll make that my first priority, Your Highness." Agreed Ravi sarcastically, but Soma didn't notice her tone at all.

"Thanks!" Soma chirped. Ciel looked as though he were struggling to resist the urge to facepalm, and Eila just shook her head in amusement.

**LADIES-THE FAIRER SEX-OR MAYBE THE UNFAIR SEX-DEPENDS ON WHO YOU ASK-BUT BOYS ARE DUMB ANYWAY SO WE'LL GO WITH THE FAIRER SEX**

"So...We're just going to sit here and do nothing for a while, right?" Clarified Eila, sounding a bit bored.

"Pretty much." Agreed Ravi, looking equally bored. "Until Mina shows. Then we have fun."

"You are a terrible, terrible person."

"Duh."

**PAIN-PAINKILLER-KILLERQUEEN-QUEEN-DRAGQUEEN-QUEENBEE-RAVI,SHUT UP YOU'RE HIGH**

"Please wait!"

Eila leaned over towards Ravi as the Queen's assistant drew everyone's attention. "Best. Goggles. Ever!" She whispered before returning to munching on one of the curry doughnuts. "This is delicious by the way."

"Eila, stop doing that, you look like a hamster." Muttered Ravi.

"Don't care. Too yummy. Here, eat one." She shoved a curry doughnut into Ravi's face and the Indian glanced at it with a look of faint revulsion.

"The very concept is enough to make my Indian heritage recoil in horror from the entirety of the British empire." She commented sternly.

Eila shrugged. "You loss. Drama queen."

Ravi ignored her friend and they watched as the queen proceeded to declare Ciel's company the winner. "Big surprise." She muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Well, you know, narrative casualty and all that." Pointed out Eila through a mouthful of curry. She eyed the queen suspiciously. "God save us from the queen."

"You just think she's scary because you don't like horses and she burst in here on one at full speed." Said Ravi.

"Yes. What's your point?" Agreed Eila, unconcerned. "Horses are scary, they try to eat my hair."

"Well maybe if you stopped dying it green, they'd stop thinking it was food." Retorted the other girl. "Now, it's your job to go keep Soma happy for a while, I'm going to go get ready to ambush Mina and Mr. fwooshy hair CEO dude."

Eila paused. "Is it sad that I know _exactly _who you're talking about when you put it that way?" she asked.

"Absolutely!" Agreed Ravi happily, skipping off. "Look out for Prince Brat."

The Indian girl snuck through the crowd, trying to figure out where the back alleyway was that Mina and West would be hanging out in later. She was almost to the door when she heard a voice behind her. "You know, you're the second girl with unnaturally coloured hair that I've seen recently."

Ravi whirled around and stared at the Viscount Druitt. "What're you...Oh! Right. I'm gonna kill her."

Far from being disturbed by this, the Viscount just looked at her sharply. "How did you know who I was talking about?"

Ravi raised an eyebrow at him. "Seriously? How many girls with unnaturally coloured hair can there _be_ in London?"

"Two more than I thought, apparently." Commented Druitt calmly. "If you see her, please tell her that I'll be paying her a visit soon. Along with the autorities."

"If you don't know _who_, or more importantly, _what_ she is, how exactly do you know where she _lives_?"

Leaving the Viscount to ponder what she'd just said, Ravi darted through the double doors of the convention hall and headed for the nearest alley.

**-THAT'S A FUN WEBSITE**

Eila had been a bit too late to reach Soma - she could hear Mina ranting already. Giving up on that idea, she decided to catch up with Sebastian and the rest of the household. She noticed Agni crying, and her 'mom-instincts' kicked in.

"Are you all righ-" she started to ask, before she noticed the blood dripping on his hand wrappings. "Oh hell no, I am _out of here_." She wasn't sure if Agni had even noticed her as she beat a hasty retreat.

It was growing easier to see as the crowd thinned. Eila nearly panicked when she saw the Viscount Druitt, but thankfully he had been facing away from her. "Oh, double hell no." She chose a third direction to go, away from both the overemotional Agni and the Viscount.

She hurried around to the nearest alley, hoping it was the right one, and squeaking slightly when Ravi grabbed her by the arm and pulled her into the Indian's hiding place. "You're supposed to be keeping an eye on the Prince."

"Well, Agni started bleeding out his eyes, so now I'm helping you." Snapped Eila. "Have they shown up yet?"

"No, but it shouldn't be too...shut up!"

"Damnit! They spoiled my plans!" Raged West, sliding down the brick wall to sit on the ground with his head in his hands.

"Cheer up, there's always next time." Soothed Mina, crouching in front of her husband.

"No there's not!" Sang Eila happily, darting out into view.

Mina and West glanced up in shock and Ravi rolled her eyes as she came out after her friend. "Goddamnit, Eila, what did we say about the plan?"

"What plan?" Demanded West, glancing between the two girls. "Who are you people?"

"Now, now, don't be rude." Ravi smiled sweetly. "The correct phrasing is 'and who might you two ladies be?'. The answer of course being that we work for the Phantomhives."

"Then what are you doing here?" Asked Mina. "Your boss beat us fair and square. What d'you want with us now?"

"Ah, and _that_ is the question you should've asked us in the first place. You see, it doesn't matter who we are."

"This is a personal matter." Growled Eila darkly.

Ravi's smile grew even sweeter as she took a step forward. "You made the prince cry, Mina. Unfortunately for you, we don't like it when people make our ward cry."

Eila stopped dead, turning to Ravi. "Our ward?" She asked. "Really? Really?"

"Shut up Eiles." Ravi snapped. "I've been looking forward to the first person who pissed me off. It's been a while." She flipped something into the air and caught it one handed, beginning to file her nails with the knife nonchalantly. "This is going to be fun."

"Frickin' knives everywhere." Muttered Eila. "Aren't you afraid you're going to be stabbed by your own bra one of these days? And anyway, there's no need for us to get involved. These two are in enough trouble as it is. Isn't that right, Lao?"

The Chinaman stepped into the light with Ran Moa on his arm, casting the two girls an amused smile. "Why am I not surprised at finding you two ladies here?"

"Because sociopaths all think alike." Replied Ravi at the same time as Eila responded "Because we turn up everywhere."

Lao's amusement grew. "I would agree with both." He said politely. "Now, why don't you two scurry off, and leave me to do my job? I'm sure I'm quite grateful for the assistance."

"Plausible deniability and all that." Agreed Ravi kindly. "Come on Eiles."

As they headed towards the alley's entrance, Eila turned to Ran Mao. "Give 'em hell Kid." She smirked.

"Feel free to translate that for her, Lao." Ravi called over her shoulder. "See you two back at the manor."

**FIGHTCLUB-CLUBSODA-SODAFOUNTAIN-FOUNTAINOFYOUTH-YOUTHREVOLUTION**

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><p><strong>AN: **And no, we have absolutely no idea how Druitt managed to miss Eila in the crowd, I mean it's not like blue-green hair is easy to miss, even in a hall full of that many people. Although she is pretty short... (ouch, Pyro just smacked me. I probably deserved it. I usually deserve it. Should I tell her that it's not nice to hit people who are on drugs? Especially people who are on drugs because they recently had surgery and are still on a liquid diet and thus have barely eaten anything in three days? Nah, she'd just smack me for making excuses.)

Also, that whole story of Eila swallowing peppers and eating loads of fresh wasabi is actually true. While we were in California over the summer, she chewed and swallowed two of those red peppers in Chinese food that you're never even supposed to put in your mouth, and then all she did was gulp down some water, turn bright pink, and then was fine. She scared the living hell out of the owner who kept shooting her worried looks for the rest of lunch like she might suddenly have a spicy stroke and he'd get sued for it, poor man. She did the _exact same thing_ at the Japanese restaurant two days later. I think she just likes seeing the looks on people's faces, honestly.

Anyway, Katelyn is now going to have to sign off because it's time for more painkillers, and she's not allowed on the interwebs directly after a fresh dose, not after her last blog post on Monday night.


	15. Where'd She Get The Rope For That?

**A/N: **So, this is truly the last of the Curry Arc, and we decided that more shenanigans were needed. We've brought back some much loved characters and helped out with an embarrassing little situation involving Agni and Scotland Yard. You know the one we mean.

There's only one thing we ought to explain, **LIST****EN UP**** MOTHERFUCKERS!**

**READ THIS IF YOU DON'T READ ANYTHING ELSE BECAUSE IT FUCKING MATTERS, GODDAMNIT! I KNOW YOU DON'T READ THIS UNLESS SOMETHING CATCHES YOUR ATTENTION, SO HOPEFULLY THIS WILL WORK! READ!**

After Ravi and Eila went to scare Mina and West, they returned to the convention centre or whatever the hell it is, only to find that Ciel and the others had left. Without them. On purpose. Naturally, they got lost beyond all possible hope, and didn't get back home for hours, and naturally, both girls are a little peeved about this. This chapter picks up the very next morning after the curry competition.

Enjoy.

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><p>Eila and Ravi sat in front of the television, grumbling vaguely and nursing sore feet as they watched some dumb cartoon on screen." He didn't have to just leave us there." Muttered Eila.<p>

"If I ever have to walk again, it'll be too soon." Agreed Ravi darkly.

"Ravi! Can you make me some lunch?" Yelled Soma as he flounced into the room.

Ravi glared at him. "No. Sit down and watch TV."

"Ooh, what's that? Why are there people in there? Are they moving?"

"I don't know, why don't you go ask Ciel." Suggested Ravi without looking up from the foot massage she was giving herself. "I'm busy."

Soma went running off, and Eila glanced over at Ravi. "You're going to get in huge trouble for that, you know." She pointed out.

"He left us stranded in the middle of London." Retorted Ravi. "We walked for seven hours in the dark. Plus four in the light. I got hit on by a taxi driver. We got lost twelve times. Ciel can fucking deal with it."

Eila grinned. ""That's cold, Ravi, real cold."

A few minutes later, Agni poked his head in. "Have you seen the Prince?"

"I think he went to play with Ciel." Answered Eila, playing along with Ravi's game.

"Oh! Thank you!" Agni disappeared again.

Barely another minute passed before the manor house exploded with the sound of Ciel shouting. "RAVI! EILA! GET IN HERE!"

The two girls looked at each other, sighed, and climbed to their aching feet. "Bloody arrogant earl." Sighed Ravi.

As soon as they reached the room where Sebastian, Ciel, Soma, and Agni were all standing, Ciel looking positively furious. "You two will keep these...these...imbeciles...out of my way tonight. Lord Randall is attending a dinner tonight, and I'll not have them interrupting it like they do everything else."

Ravi folded her arms across her chest. "You do realize that you left us. In London. In the dark. Why the hell should I help you?"

"Because I'll turn your... _friend_... over to Viscount Druitt if you do not," Ciel replied. It was clearly not so much a threat as a promise.

Ravi glowered at him. "Fine."

Eila shrugged. "I didn't have a problem with helping in the first place, but sure."

"And Soma... you can watch television," Ciel added. "Just stay out of my way."

"Yay!"

**UN-SQUARE-THE-COW,-WOMAN!-HEY- I-WILL-DO-WHAT-I-DAMN-WELL-PLEASE-WITH-THE-COW-THANK-YOU-VERY-MUCH!-TRUE-STORY.**

"I'm not exactly comfortable with this situation..." Eila mumbled, staring at the knife in her hands. It wasn't a fancy knife like someone would put up for decoration, but rather one that seemed to be built with the single-minded purpose of cutting things. Possibly people.

"Don't care." Ravi decided in a businesslike tone as she finished tying the knots around Agni's wrists and ankles. "We have to keep this idiot from turning himself in, and this is the best way to manage it without having to chase him around the manor." She then shoved Agni to the floor and pulled a strip of cloth from under her skirts.

"Aren't we in the town house?" Commented Eila thoughtfully.

"Town house, manor, it's all the same to me." Replied Ravi with a grin as she tied the gag around Agni's head and then turned him over onto his stomach and pointed to his back. "Now sit."

"I'm seriously not..."

"No. Seriously, just sit. You're going to stay there until the Scotland Yard bumblers have gone home, and I'm going to go play interference." Eila sighed and sat down, settling herself on Agni's back so that he wouldn't be able to get up, even if he could undo his bindings.

"But... it's just... There's some people I probably wouldn't feel so awkward about this with..." Eila mumbled as a few muffled sounds came from Agni beneath her.. "Claude, Alois, either Charles, William, Steve, Rick..." She paused. "Maybe not Rick, he'd probably just enjoy it."

Ravi glanced at her. "You just said that last part out loud, you know." She informed her friend, and Eila turned a rather hilarious shade of red. "Wait...who's William?"

"Grell's boss."

"Oh. Right. Him."

**WHY-WON'T-YOU-UN-SQUARE -THE-GODDAMNED-COW-YOU-STUBBORN-BI...-RAVI-STOP-TALKING.-STILL-TRUE-STORY**

Sebastian drifted over to where Ravi was standing, a respectful distance away from the table and awaiting any future instructions. "Mr. Agni is making far less trouble than I expected him to." He commented, a little suspiciously.

Ravi nodded. "We thought it might be best to take pre-emptive steps." She answered softly.

Sebastian frowned slightly and turned, leaving the dining hall. Only a few steps into the hall, he was confronted by the sight of Agni, bound and no longer gagged, on the floor with Eila seated on his back and reading a book. The girl looked up at the sound of Sebastian clearing his throat and flushed. "It wasn't my idea." She muttered quickly.

Sebastian sighed. "I didn't expect so." He agreed quietly. "But I suppose it shall do for now. Thank you for your assistance, Miss Eila."

"No problem." She ducked her head back into her book just as Agni spoke up.

"But Mr. Sebastian, shouldn't I be punished for my sins?"

Eila flinched. "Like this isn't embarrassing enough for everyone involved?" She retorted. "Jeez, man, take what you've got and be happy with it. Or...not happy...unhappy...Argh!" She returned to the book and resolutely refused to pay any further attention to Agni or Sebastian.

The butler shook his head and returned to the dining hall, glancing over at Ravi who wore a slight smirk. "I take it you're responsible for that?"

"Not the first time I've done that to someone." She commented.

"So I gathered by the quality of the knots." Observed Sebastian dryly. "I'll thank you to run any future intervention plans by me first."

"Well you're no fun."

**NOOSES-GOOSES-LOOSES-DUCES-PUCES-CUSIS-THAT-WASN'T-REALLY-A-WORD-WAS-IT?-WHATEVER**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **We should explain the UN-SQUARE the cow bit. It comes from a game called Snoring 2 on coolmath-games .com where you have to wake up the elephants (by pushing them off their resting places with other animals and killing the poor beasts) and each animal has a different charactaristic, like giraffes topple like dominies, penguins roll, zebras jump, and... you guessed it... the cows turn square. On one of the levels, you have to square the cow, and then un-square it very quickly, but Pyro decided to be a stubborn bitch and not listen to me when I told her this, so I was shouting at her to un-square the cow, and she was yelling at me that "I'll un-square the damn cow whenever I feel like it!" and we sort of went back and forth with this long enough, shouting over each other and amusing all others in my apartment complex, long after the cow had died multiple painful fall-related deaths and the whole thing had us laughing hysterically. It is now a joke between us, and was thus included in the page breaks. Long, I know, but it makes us sound less like we're Dumbo having pink elephant hallucinations.

Pyro would like to note that she was eventually able to clear the level without un-squaring the cow at all. Suck it Katelyn.

Katelyn wishes to point out that she will not be bother'ed, and Pyro can just bite her.


	16. A Break At Bedlam

**A/N:** We're alive! Well, mostly, anyhow. Pyro came home for President's weekend, and I got lazy in posting up some fresh work. Sorry, I've been busy flipping out inside of a two thousand pound hunk of moving metal.

For those of you who don't know what that means, allow me to clarify. Someone thought it would be a bright idea to put me behind the wheel of a 6-cylinder engine car and _not_ _tell me_ that it starts moving when you take your foot off the brake! In most cars, this would not be a big deal, but oh no, I had to be in a car with an engine powerful enough for drag racing, so when I let go of the brake, the car shot forward fifteen feet in two seconds and I burst into hysterical tears.

Laugh if you want. It's funny.

Anyway, the following is a brief chapter, but we've written enough for me to post again fairly soon after this, so hopefully no one's too upset. There was originally another fight scene in which the losers of the previous fight came back for revenge and we discovered that Eila actually learned how to fight from someone else (hint, hint, nudge, nudge) but we decided to cut it out because it just didn't feel right. There will be lots of room for Ravi awesomeness during the Circus Arc, so I'll just have to bide my time on that one.

Ravi's sort of on probation with Sebastian anyway ever since she tied up Agni, so she's been in a bit of a tetchy mood of late and it's best not to let her get too out of hand. Check in at the end of chapter notes for a few other fun tidbits for the day.

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><p><strong>NOOSES-GOOSES-LOOSES-DUCES-PUCES-CUSIS-THAT-WASN'T-REALLY-A-WORD-WAS-IT?-WHATEVER<strong>

"Goddamnit, I don't want to get left behind for this one!" Grouched Ravi as the two girls stalked through the marketplace. "I've been looking forward to the Circus arc."

"No, remember? They left, but then they come back before going off, you've still got time to be a stowaway." Eila pointed out calmly. "But I'm not going anywhere near that place. I'm not gonna spend all that time with them and fall in love with them and then have them die on me. It doesn't even have to be romantic love, I just really like those characters, and then BAM they'll be dead, just like that."

Ravi laughed and checked over produce carefully at one of the stands. "That's just because you're cursed!" She teased in a sing-song voice.

Eila glared. "Shut up." She mumbled. "Now just buy your damn pears."

"They're not pears, woman, it's fall, pears aren't in season yet." Sighed Ravi.

"Whatever! Green produce-y things!" Retorted Eila in frustration. "Anyway, you knjow I'm incapable of cooking anything past 'microwave for five minutes'."

"I certainly do, Miss Set The Pasta On Fire." Agreed Ravi dryly.

Eila smirked. "That only happened once." She announced proudly.

Ravi opened her mouth, but was interrupted by a loud 'hey you!' from nearby. Both girls turned in surprise towards the sound. "You ain't dressed like a tramp no more."

"Excuse me?" Demanded Ravi, taking a step forward.

She paused, shocked when Eila just shrugged. "Yes, I've gotten a respectable job now, what've you morons been doing with your lives lately?"

"Eila, people are giving us those 'why the hell are you talking to street-rats' looks again..." Sighed Ravi, eyeing the boy darkly.

"Heard you fell out with them South Street kids." Observed the rather dirty looking boy, folding his arms over his chest as he glared at Eila. "Now you're on your own, you better stay outta our way, 'cause you ain't got anyone to help you out this time. You'd get flattened."

"Yes, because I was so well protected by a bunch of small children half my size." Returned Eila, arching her eyebrows at him. "What, do you seriously think I wouldn't still kick your ass?"

"Real classy, darlin'." Grinned Ravi.

The boy glowered at her. "This ain't your business, ya bloody Hindoo. Ain't ya got some kinda cleanin' to do somewhere?"

"You're damn lucky we're in a public place, boy." Growled Ravi, taking another step closer and smoothing a hand over her skirts where Eila knew she had a pocket which was most likely filled with dangerous things.

"Easy, girl, don't get your panties in a twist now." Cautioned Eila.

"I'm not a pet dog!" She snapped. "And you wouldn't let me after Mina either, so pick your battles."

"I pick...no battles!" Decided Eila happily.

The boy snorted. "Figures. Knew you were just lucky that time."

"Why you little..." Ravi began, starting forward, but Eila grabbed her arm.

"Walk away, hun, it ain't worth the trouble." She warned firmly. "C'mon, let's go."

Both girls turned on their heels and stalked out, ignoring the boy's calls of 'chicken!' from the distance.

"That does remind me though." Said Eila thoughtfully. "I kinda want to check up on the kids. And...other stuff."

"We haven't got ti..." Ravi stopped, staring at her friend. "Goddamned, woman, I hate when you make puppy-eyes outta those baby blues!" She slapped a hand to her forehead and sighed. "Fine, let's go."

"Yay!" Eila grabbed her again and dragged her down a bunch of side streets throughout town until they reached a dark alleyway. She poked her head in cautiously. "Ding-dong!" She called out and was instantly mobbed by six tiny children around her ankles.

One of them, a small boy with a crooked grin, looked up at her. "I almos' din't reconize you wi' you dressed all respec'able like!" He chirped happily.

Ravi glanced over. "Henry?"

"Yup."

"How you know my name, Hindoo lady?" Asked Henry curiously.

Ravi grabbed him around the waist and lifted him up onto her hip. "Eila here's a friend of mine." She replied, ignoring the Hindoo comment.

"You're a fairy too?" Asked Anne, her eyes huge.

"What on earth did you tell these children?" Asked Ravi, baffled. "I would've pegged us for witches, not fairies!"

Eila shrugged. "You maybe." She joked.

"So you're a witch?" Asked Henry, obviously trying to get things straight before continuing any pleasantries.

"Who's a witch?" Asked William as he ducked into the alleyway with an armload of food. He stopped dead when he saw Eila and Ravi and frowned. "Come back, have you? Brought a friend this time, I see."

"Yeah, about that..." Eila looked a little nervous, and she moved away from the kids who all crowded around Ravi instead and prevented the Indian from following her friend.

"Um...Eiles...wait!" But it was no good and Ravi was stuck. She glanced down at the kids who were standing and looking up at her hopefully. "Uh...well, I'm not exactly a storyteller like Eila is, but...I can show you some tricks." She suggested. A cheer went up from the tiny crowd, and she sighed with relief.

A distance away, Eila was leaning against a wall with her arms crossed over her chest as she watched William put the food down. "Look, I'm sorry 'bout what I said."

"Yeah. And?"

Eila shook her head. "No, I'm serious. I really am sorry about doing a freaking pirouette off the metaphorical handle. You were absolutely right. I was - still am, really - completely and utterly out of my depth and I had no fucking idea what I was getting involved with. And my problem is, the first reaction I usually have to situations like that is to just fall into denial and act like nothing is even slightly out of the ordinary. And that kind of behavior could have caused serious problems for everyone. I'm not asking to be let back into the group, since my friend over there actually managed to land me into a job. Long story. But I just want to make sure there's no hard feelings between us?"

Will watched her silently for a second and then shook his head. "I think that's quite possibly the most responsible monologue I've ever heard come out of your mouth." He decided calmly. "Apology accepted, and you're welcome around here any time. As long as you're not bringing the police with you." He frowned and glanced over at Ravi concernedly. "Is she really a witch?"

"Do you seriously believe in that crap?" Asked Eila sarcastically. "No, she's not a witch, she just dresses like that mostly. This is actually shockingly normal for her. The boss wouldn't let her deck out any more than that."

William raised an eyebrow at that. "She's in a mourning gown. That's considered normal?"

Eila shrugged. "Yeah, I think she just likes shocking people. I'll admit I've picked up some bad habits from her over the years." She grinned. "Like dying my hair strange colors, for a start."

The two of them glanced over to Ravi again, as she balanced a knife point-down on the palm of each hand as the kids cheered her on. "And she picked up some odd habits from me too, I guess," Eila added.

"Is that safe?" Will asked, actually sounding concerned.

Eila shook her head. "I think I'd keep Henry away from sharp things for a while." she suggested. "Ravi! Quit doing stupid things and giving the kids ideas!" She called over.

"You left me here, you bloody wench!" Retorted the other girl. "What was I supposed to do, tell a joke?"

"That would have been nice!" Agreed Eila.

Ravi flipped the knives into the air and caught them both on the way down, sheathing them quickly and tucking them away in her bun. "Remember, mijos, never try that on your own." She cautioned, casting an especially stern look at Henry. "You too, darlin', Eila warned me about you." Henry giggled happily and ran off with the other kids. Ravi headed over to Eila and William, smiling at the boy. "So, I have no idea who you are, but I'm guessing by this one's face that you're the one she was blowin' up at when she went runnin' on outta here."

Eila flinched. "Yes. We get it. I lost my cool. I flipped the table. I turned into an Eila-monster. So on and so forth."

"She apologized," Will told the Indian girl, shrugging. "You were busy amusing the kids over there."

"As was her goal so there would be no one but the involved parties aware of her apology." Said Ravi thoughtfully. "Not the first time she's done this, believe me, I grew up with the girl. Anyhow, exactly how long have you two been having the lovers' spats?"

Eila rolled her eyes and William turned completely purple. "It was not a lovers' spat, it was just a normal spat." She explained, looking up as one of the kids called for her. "Excuse me a sec."

Ravi glanced at William sympathetically. "It's okay, luv, you're just not really her type is all."

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully. "She doesn't look like a Sapphist." He mused.

She stared at him blankly. "Okay, you missed the mark big time, Bad-boy." She sighed, patting his shoulder. "Let me put it this way. She likes the male of the species, but she likes them a little...I'm trying to think of a good word here..."

"Older? Cleaner? Better educated?" He guessed sarcastically, but she could see his ego bruise and crumble.

"I was going to go with prettier." She corrected. "You know, not the strong protector type, the smaller, slightly fwooshy type."

"Fwooshy?" He asked, disbelievingly. "What the bloody hell does fwooshy mean?"

"Hmm. How best to put it." She paused. "Oh! Have you ever seen the Queen's servant? The one with the goggles that always rides around with her? He's fwooshy."

He stared at her. "Where would I have had the chance to see the Queen?"

"That's not what I asked." She glared at him.

"Yes, I know the one." He admitted, grinning a little.

"Well, he's her type, slighter, competent, and...kinda pretty." She shrugged. "I don't quite understand it."

"So then, would I be your type?" He asked hopefully.

She bit her lip, clearly having an internal struggle. "That's not really where I was going with this."

"That's not what I asked." He said, turning her own trick against her.

"Ugh, yes, you are, but I'm not looking right now." She replied.

"Hah! Hoist by your own petard!" Called Eila from a short distance away, and Ravi flinched. "S'okay Will, you probably don't want to try with her anyhow, I've seen the bravest of men cower in fear rather than attempt the insane."

"Thanks." Ravi glared at her.

"It's true, and you know it."

"Don't rub it in!"

**ANY-OF-YOU-MISS-HENRY-AND-WILLIAM-AND-THE-REST-OF-THE-CREW?-NO?-TOUGH-YOU'RE-GETTING-THEM -ANYWAY**

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><p><strong>AN:** So...Pyro actually did set a pot of water on fire once. In her defense, it was technically the oil she put in the pot of water in order to keep the noodles from clumping up that caught fire, but seriously...

Why did ya think she was called ResidentPyromaniac? Well I'll tell ya, because she likes setting things on fire! Not quite, but close enough. It's more like she's just prone to accidentally setting things on fire.

Also, as to that end bit there, that's only the beginning of what's going to become some pretty regular insult sparring between Eila and Ravi, so enjoy. All insults are based on real and true facts and are usually something that Pyro and I have actually said to each other at some point. In this case, it should be pointed out (and you'd know this if you read any of my older crap on this site, but you probably haven't because it's a different fanbase) that I've got some hinky kinks in the way of relationship issues. Thus "attempting the insane". Also, Pyro loves the fwooshy type. Not really my thing, but I respect it.

Anywhos, we're moving on to the next Arc people! And as with any new storyline, there is also new information to be learned and new havoc to be wreaked! I'll be up with the next chapter sometime next month in order to create an illusion of stability and structure!

Love ya'll, and don't forget to share your deepest and innermost thoughts and feelings with us that we may know we're loved and then spill your secrets to the interwebs like we do our own!


	17. Insults And Strange Taste

**A/N:** GUESS WHO'S ON SPRING BREAK?

Did you guess me?

Well you're wrong, it's Pyro. Damn woman gets spring break almost five weeks before I do. FML right here, man. Who the hell has spring break right now anyway? It's not even really srping yet, and anyway this means that Pyro won't be home for my birthday which is the normal spring break time and that sucks.

Anyway, we're posting a new chapter, because it's been about a month like we promised, and we have a nice buffer going now since we wrote for like ever last night and then had lovely three a.m. discussions that shall never reach your (slightly) innocent ears. Or eyes, I guess, since this is text. Whatever.

Read the chapter!

You should know that the argument we will now proceed to have via Eila and Ravi is actually one we've had before. More than once. This says a lot about us, don't it?

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><p>The two girls were sprawled out on the couches in the lounge, Eila, dressed down to her corsets and bloomers, was reading one of the books she'd found while cleaning in the library, occasionally scribbling on the notepad next to her. Ravi was laying upside down on one of the couches with her legs hanging over the back and her torso twisted around so that her head was still on the seat. She looked up from the dress she was sewing up and frowned at Eila. "What on earth are you doing?"<p>

"Translating." Muttered Eila without looking up. There was a weighted silence, and she glared over at Ravi. "What? I suck at French!"

"So pick something in English." Suggested the other girl lightly.

"No way! This is Jules Verne!" Insisted Eila, scandalized. "I love Jules Verne! And it loses a lot in translation!"

"You just said you were translating it."

"Don't you logic at me, woman." Retorted Eila, and Ravi just shrugged and went back to her stitching. "And why exactly aren't you wearing real clothes?"

Ravi looked at her legs, bared because she was only wearing her corsets and boyshort panties. "Because it's comfortable."

"You're gonna freeze your ass off." Commented Eila dryly. She peeked over sneakily. "Although, it could do with a bit of freezing off, I suppose."

"At least I have an ass." Ravi volleyed back, having nothing to throw at her friend at the moment. "You're just tits-heavy."

"You're just jealous that I have 'em and you don't, you scrawny little India-chick."

"At least gravity has been kind to mine. I don't have to wear a bra to be all perky."

"I don't have to be perky, I just have to flash my bra and boys will do anything I want."

"They're genetically coded to like my wide child bearing hips more than your big breasts because my hips mean I won't die in childbirth and they can produce more mini-thems." Pointed Ravi, smirking.

"Well my babies won't starve to death." Returned Eila. "Your formula bill will be huge."

"You don't even want kids."

"Which means my figure will be intact long after yours has been shot all to hell and back and my husband won't trade me in for the next model." She paused. "Okay, that may have been low, even for me, especially considering your taste in guys."

"Ya think, dumbass?" Snorted Ravi, apparently not too fazed by the insult. "And hey, at least I don't have to go through life with chronic back pain."

"No, you just have to go through it with a chronic pain in your..."

"May I ask what on _earth_ you ladies are talking about?" Demanded Sebastian in the tone of voice that implied he knew _exactly_ what they were talking about, and what he really wanted to know _why_. "And why are you both sitting in the lounge, in your _undergarments_?"

"Well, it is almost midnight." Pointed out Ravi. "We weren't expecting company."

"And that's a reason to wander around barely clothed?" He glared at them. "In an earl's house? That's bounds for irreparable damage to the Earl's reputation!"

"Because we were totally throwing wild parties while he was gone." Sighed Eila. "It's just been the two of us and the Prince and Agni. Soma's still practically four, and Agni's seen it before, even if he is celibate now."

"That is most certainly not the point!" Insisted Sebastian.

"Calm your tits, demon-boy." Decided Eila, waving a hand at him vaguely.

The demon just stared at them blankly, as if a little uncertain how to respond appropriately to that comment.

Ravi pushed the dress off her lap and did a graceful slow-backflip off the couch, dusting herself off and glancing up at Sebastian. "What she means is that you don't have to worry about us. We may be wandering around in few clothes, but we understand that's scandalous here, so we're being really careful. We also know that it would be incredibly rude to give our benefactor's home the reputation of disrespectability and we certainly don't want that."

"Do you two just switch minds every night?" Asked Sebastian, confused that now Ravi was covering for Eila's inappropriate commentaries. "I don't think I can keep up with you."

"Of course you can, you're a demon, you can keep up with about anything." Decided Ravi. "Anyway, we need to talk to you about the Circus Arc."

"Arc?"

"Noah's Ark Circus." Explained the girl, winching slightly. "Anyway! I'm coming with you, and that isn't a request, I can help. Eila's going to stay here and keep an eye on the Prince. This is how we were hoping to pay you back for helping us get home. By helping out with some of the work Ciel does."

"And how exactly are you going to be useful at a circus, Miss Jones?"

Ravi bent over backwards until her hands were braced on the floor directly behind her head and then lifted her legs over her head and lowered them into a perfect vertical split,

watching Sebastian with a crooked grin. "Because I am the closest to a real circus freak you two will ever get, and you and I are the only ones who would be worth our shit to those kids. Ciel won't get in without both of us."

"She does have a point." Considered Eila. "I mean, Ciel only gets in because you keep flinging rocks at him to keep him upright. He's also the least circus-y person I know, although considering I was raised by circus freaks, that might not be saying much."

"Then why aren't you going?" Asked Sebastian.

"No! Hell no! Hell fucking no!" Shouted Eila, jerking upright into a seated position.

Ravi rolled her eyes. "Her in a circus would result in her on the trapeze, near death experiences, hospital trips, tourniquets, her screaming in Elvish... You know, bad." She explained quickly. "I, on the other hand, can handle myself better in those kinds of situations."

"Yeah, let's go with that," Eila commented, lying down again and staring at the ceiling. "It's so... boring on there," she added, waving in a mostly upwards direction.

Ravi lowered herself onto her back on the floor and glanced over at Eila. "Wow, you're tired." She observed dryly. "Why don't you just go to bed before you tell us all your deepest darkest secrets."

"What's the point?" Grumbled Eila. "It's not like he can't already see them all anyway."

The demon's mouth curved up into a slight smile. "From what I can tell, your world is fascinating." He agreed, sarcastically.

"See?"

"Sebastian, stop it, I have to live with her for the next few days." Sighed Ravi. "Eila, he can't see your thoughts as far as we know. Your fetishes are safe from prying eyes."

Eila raised her hand and pointed at Ravi lazily. "You," she observed. "Are a bitch."

**THAT-MOMENT-WHEN-YOU'RE-SHOUTING-ANGRILY-AND-RUN-OUT-OF-OXYGEN-HALF-WAY-THROUGH-A-SENTENCE-AND-TURN-HILARIOUS-SHADES-OF-PURPLE-AS-A-RESULT-UNTIL-YOU-FINALLY-HAVE-SOME-KIND-OF-FIT-AND-PASS-OUT-AND-DIE**

"Hee hee hee!" Undertaker giggled cheerfully. "Welcome Earl! Did you finally want to get into one of my _special _coffins? Well have a seat, I've just baked a cake! And you brought friends with you, I see!" He paused, casting a longer glance at Eila and Ravi. "Very _interesting_ friends. Are you alright, dearie?" He asked Eila, who was wearing the blank expression she always got when she was trying to decide whether to jump someone's bones or run away screaming.

"No." She replied quickly, still staring.

Ravi just patted her head gently. "She'll be alright in a minute. Eila, honey, remember to breathe."

He smirked slightly and turned his attention back to Ciel. The earl was clearly impatient with all of his fluttering while they discussed the case of the missing children, and there was an almost audible sigh as Undertaker brought up his laughing fee. Ravi rolled her eyes and stepped up. "I'll do it. You all, out. Shoo, shoo, shoo."

She waved her hands at them, herding a surprised batch of people out of the building, and then turned to look at the Undertaker. "Okay, so, first off, let me make it perfectly clear that both Eila and I know exactly who you are, Grim Reaper and all that jazz, awesome scythe by the way. We also know all about your little pet project, but don't worry, do whatever you want with it, just more fun for us later and less trouble now."

Undertaker stared at her. "Was that your attempt to make me laugh?" He asked dubiously.

"No. This is." Ravi decided firmly. "So, you know that expression Eila had on her face earlier, sort of blank and shocked? Yeah, that was her trying to decide whether you were amazingly sexy and she ought to jump your bones, or whether she ought to run screaming into the distance as quickly as humanly possible."

There was complete silence as the Undertaker's face slowly struggled to remain composed.

**YES-WE-TOTALLY-JUST-WENT-THERE-AND-YOU-ALL-CAN-JUST-DEAL-WITH-IT**

Suddenly, outside, Ciel, Sebastian, and Eila heard Undertaker explode with laughter. They all rushed inside to see Undertaker rolling on the floor in hysterics, and Eila turned to look at Ravi, glaring. "You told him, didn't you?"

"Yup." Agreed Ravi, grinning smugly.

"I hate you so much right now."

Undertaker began laughing even harder, his face turning red and his eyes tearing up joyfully.

**OH-YEAH-THIS-IS-TOTALLY-OUR-LIFE-AND-WE-TOTALLY-REALLY-JUST-WENT-THERE-YOU-DIDN'T-BELIEVE-US-EARLIER-DID-YOU-WELL-THINK-AGAIN-DUMBASSES!**

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><p><strong>AN: **So, yeah, that's a look of Pyro's that I'm extremely familiar with because she just has that kind of taste in guys. It's probably not very smart of her, but at least she'll have interesting stories someday. Anyway, I'll try to post up another chapter next month too since we've got that nice buffer I mentioned. Although I should probably warn you that we're setting Ravi loose in the circus and weird things are going to happen. Also, Eila home alone with Soma and Agni leads to...well, I'm sure you can figure it out.


	18. In Which Sebastian Is Suddenly A Father

**A/N:** Okay, so we're updating early in the hopes that you might not kill us for the fact that it'll be another longer stretch before Pyro's home from college again. We also have a really awesome buffer right now because, well, we have no lives and we're insane. Anyway, here's the next chapter, introducing Ravi, Ciel, and Sebastian to the circus. Go ahead and be amused by Ravi enjoying making the other two uncomfortable.

**VITAL EXTRA SPECIAL INFORMATION THAT YOU MUST KNOW! THIS IS THE REASON THE STORY LOOKS LIKE IT UPDATED! BECAUSE IT DID! NOW FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER YOU ACTUALLY GET TO SEE THE MOMENT IN WHICH SEBASTIAN BECOMES A FATHER! **Anyway, we'll post a notice on the new chapter that'll be up too, but for people who actually bother to look for why our story showed up back at the top of their list again, now you know that you should be reading the last half or so of this chapter for new info you missed. A few things might make more sense now.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe you made me wear this." Grumbled Ravi darkly, glaring at her all-too respectable dress as she took a seat beside Sebastian in the stands of the Circus tent.<p>

"We're in public." Retorted Ciel snarkily. "And I'll have you know that I disapprove of that black monstrosity you've created to wear at home. The next time Nina comes over, I'll have her make some respectable clothing for you and your friend."

"It'll take a lot more than new clothing to make us respectable." Commented Ravi thoughtfully, ignoring Ciel's glare. "Although, I guess I wouldn't mind having one of Nina's dresses. They're pretty."

"Perhaps we could focus on the task at hand." Suggested Sebastian calmly. "The show is starting after all."

Ravi went silent and folded her arms over her chest petulantly as they watched the show. As Beast appeared on stage and Joker started speaking, Ravi began counting under her breath softly. "Three…. Two…. One…." Sebastian stood up in the middle of the crowd, a particularly focused expression on his face, and she smirked. "Blast-off." As Sebastian stepped carefully down into the ring to join Joker, Ravi grinned wider. "Tigers are such beautiful kitties, aren't they?"

The color drained from Ciel's face, and he looked horrified. "C…cats? Tigers are cats! Damn him!"

"I'm pretty sure he's already damned, I mean really, where do we think he came from?"

"Shut up, woman." Growled Ciel, slouching low in his seat. "This is absolutely miserable. He'll be so focused on that damn cat that he won't notice a thing about the children!"

Ravi arched an eyebrow at the young earl. "Well, you're a pessimist, ain't…." Suddenly there were gasps and the sounds of women screaming, and Ravi looked up. "Well, that can't be good for him." She observed dryly. "And really, I mean, he can't taste all that good to the tiger either."

Ciel chose to ignore her and merely muttered something about 'that's what you get for liking those beasts, you miserable devil'. The other patrons of the circus were slightly more concerned with Sebastian's state and those within ear-shot of Ravi stared at her total lack of concern.

Meanwhile, the ordeal on stage seemed to have sorted out, and Sebastian was standing in the middle of the ring completely unharmed. Naturally, the tiger couldn't have this, and latched its mouth onto the back of Sebastian's head. Ravi snickered. "That bastard has terrible taste in women."

"You mean the trainer?" Asked Ciel, baffled.

"Nope."

**ALL-RIGHT-CHUMS-LET'S-DO-THIS!-LEEEROOOOY-JEEEENKIIIINS!-OH-MY-GOD-HE-JUST-RAN-IN.  
><strong>

"Who said you could go that far?" Shouted Ciel angrily.

"My apologies. I've lived for a long time but it's only cats whose fickle emotions I cannot read." Replied Sebastian dreamily, tilting his head to the side slightly as if there were flowers and hearts materializing and swirling around his head as birds twittered sweetly.

"What were you thinking, being far more conspicuously than necessary….Achooo!" Ciel sneezed violently. "Walk farther back, you know I'm allergic to cats!" He snapped.

He stalked on ahead as Sebastian and Ravi hung back and Ravi leaned up to Sebastian with a huge grin on her face. "My, my, you have such beautiful round eyes." She quipped, giggling to herself.

Sebastian glanced at her in surprise. "You could hear me?"

"Nope."

"There you are! Hold on a sec!" Shouted a voice from behind them, and Ravi and Sebastian turned as Ciel paused. "You in the tailcoat!" Joker raced up behind them, panting slightly. "I'm really sorry about what happened earlier."

"No, please accept my apologies instead." Offered Sebastian easily.

Joker smiled in response. "I was surprised 'cause you suddenly got so close to the tiger."

Ravi rolled her eyes. "That's because he's grade A moron." She explained dryly.

Joker looked surprised. "You with 'im?" He asked cautiously.

"No." Answered Sebastian just as Ravi's voice said 'Yes'. Sebastian turned and glared at her. "I mean, yes."

Joker nodded appraisingly. "Not married yet?" He asked understandingly.

"Not going to be either." Agreed Ravi brightly. "He's my twin brother, isn't it obvious?"

Joker just laughed at her. "Sure, whatever you say Miss. Anyways, we've got us a special doctor here and I was thinkin' he should check you out." Joker moved on to his original point, glancing over at Ravi as he added, "You can come too Miss. C'mon round to the back."

The two of them followed Joker around to a back tent, leaving Ciel to his own devices for a while. Ravi glanced around herself surreptitiously, trying to remember the path they were taking. When they arrived at the medical tent, there was a big to-do as the doctor realized that Sebastian had been bitten by Betty, and Ravi just stood off to the side and watched the proceedings with curiosity. Soon, Beast strode in and started yelling at Sebastian as soon as she spotted him, and Ravi sighed to herself. "Madame, your cups do runneth over." She muttered. Silence fell over the tent as she said it and it wasn't until Joker started laughing that she realized everyone had heard her. "Bugger."

"Well that's a new 'un!" Chuckled Joker, regaining his composure slightly.

"Why are you staring at Sis's chest anyway, you're a girl!" Exclaimed Dagger, confused.

"They're being showcased in leather, darling, they're rather difficult to miss, and anyway, I can't imagine that outfit is terribly comfortable. Compression and all that. How on earth do you breathe?" Beast just stared in shock and Ravi shrugged slightly. If anything, Dagger looked even _more_ confused now, and Joker was once again trying not to laugh.

Beast shook herself and turned to the doctor. "Well, anyway, can you take a look at my prosthetic?"

"Prosthetic?" Asked Sebastian, and Ravi sighed again. Plot development, while entertaining on one's own time, was extraordinarily tedious when one was waiting for actual progress. She snickered at the doctor's less than subtle comment on Joker's over-use of his prosthetic and felt the strong urge to smack Sebastian when he scrutinized the seal on Beast's inner thigh. When the daggers started flying, one of them flew towards her, and she snatched it out of the air quickly before it could hit her face. She weighed it in her hand carefully, ignoring the surrounding chaos. "Nice balance." She commented to herself, once again causing everyone to turn and stare at her and miss the fact that Sebastian had also just caught several daggers by the blade. She looked up, looking taken aback. "Why do you all have to stop talking right when I start?" She demanded, annoyed.

"Well, Miss, ya _do_ have a way with words." Pointed out Joker, his tone heavy with innuendo.

She glared at him, flipping the knife casually and handing it back by the blade. "I got a mind to say what I think, not a bit more'n that."

"I've noticed." Joker glanced at her thoughtfully. "I've got half a mind to scout you, Miss. That was a pretty good catch. How'd you know you'd get the hilt?"

"I didn't." She answered. "It was a fifty fifty chance, and I was really hoping to keep all my fingers today. And what d'you mean scout?"

"Well, we can always use new talent around here." He replied. "You got any in particular? Aside from knives, of course, seein' as we've already got Dagger."

Ravi thought for a moment. "I'm pretty handy with most weapons." She offered. "I bet I could pull off some sharp-shooting if I tried."

"Sharp-shooting, hmm?" Joker frowned. "Isn't that more like the kind of thing you see in wild west shows? This here's a circus, Miss, not a rodeo."

She crossed her arms. "Well, it was worth a try." She sighed. "What about some acrobatics?"

"Give us a look, and we'll see." Joker decided, watching her expectantly.

She glanced down. "You do realize I'm in a dress, don't you? I'm not going to do backflips and show off my delicate feminine underclothing."

Joker grinned. "Well, it was worth a try." He quipped back at her, and she rolled her eyes at him. "Why don't you come back tomorrow and try out?"

She nodded, smirking a little. "Sounds good."

**GODDAMNIT-LEEROY!-YOU'RE-A-MORON!-STICK-TO-THE-PLAN-GUYS!-OH-GOD-WE'RE-ALL-GONNA-DIE!-SOMEONE-CAST-PROTECTIONS!-FUCK-YOU-LEEROY!-LEEROY:-AT-LEAST-I-GOT-CHICKEN!-US:YOU'RE-SUCH-A-STONER-LEEROY.**

_Meanwhile, at the Townhouse_

"Wait." Soma stared at the pieces arranged on the black-and-white squares intently, _doubtlessly_ planning an infallible strategy. "…How do the horses move again?"

Eila sighed. "They're knights, Soma. Not horses."

"But they look like horses!"

"Two spaces in one direction and then one space perpendicular to the original direction," The girl explained as calmly as she could manage.

Soma hesitated. "What does perpendicular mean?"

"Remind me to try teaching you something simpler. Like ping-pong or something."

"What's ping-pong?"

**CAN-YOU-SEE-WHERE-THIS-IS-GOING?-CAN-YOU?-WELL-YOU-PROBABLY-CAN-BUT-DON'T-COUNT-ON-IT-YOU-BASTARDS-WE'RE-ALWAYS-ONE-STEP-AHEAD-OF-YOU-AND-TWO-STEPS-PERPENDICULAR!**

"Whoa, you brought a really cute kid. Are you a boy?" Asked Joker curiously.

"He's a boy alright." Replied Ravi calmly. "An' he's with me. That gonna 'cause any problems with the scouting thing?"

"Pro'ly not." Decided Joker. "Long as he can pull his weight somehow, right Kid?" Ciel nodded, but stayed silent, and Joker frowned. "He talk much?"

"Not really." Ravi shrugged. "Don't much need to, ya know?"

"So…" Joker looked between them thoughtfully. "There are three of you I need to test?"

"Well, Black and I are both pretty good in our way, and my boy here is useful on errands. He's still small though, and I've no intention of seeing him harmed." Answered Ravi firmly.

Joker shrugged. "Fair enough. I suppose we can keep him busy in the kitchens and such. Maybe when he's older we can train 'im up a bit." He suggested.

"If he takes after his Da, that'll turn out well enough." She agreed cheerfully, earning herself subtle glares from both of her companions. Joker smirked at her and she smiled back. "So, what's my test?"

"Well, we know you're good at _catching_ knives, but how are you at throwing them?" He gestured to the target a distance away. "If you do well enough on this, we'll move ya on to the next test."

"That?" Ravi asked, her smile widening. "That, is cake." She accepted the knives that Dagger handed her and checked out the person-shaped target carefully. Then she flipped a knife into her hand and threw it, followed in quick succession by the others. Each one sank into the board, but none of them hit the human shape.

"I thought you said you were good at this!" Called Joker while Sebastian shook his head as if he knew this would end badly.

"I thought the point of knife throwing in a circus was _not_ to hit the person." She retorted. Joker arched an eyebrow at her, and she rolled her eyes. "Fine." She picked up her last knife and flung it as hard as she could and it sank to the hilt in the head of the target's form. "Better?" She asked, turning back to everyone else.

Joker paused, looking surprised. "Yup."

**CAN-YOU-GUESS-THE-THEME-OF-THE-DAY-YET?-CAN-YOU?-I-BET-YOU-CAN!-IF-YOU-CAN'T-YOU'RE-NOT-LOOKING-HARD-ENOUGH!**

"Agni! Go grab three breadpans from the kitchen or something!" Eila instructed, grinning maniacally. "Soma! Go get a bunch of books or something! Not expensive ones! Meet up in the dining room!"

The two stared at Eila blankly. "What are we doing?" Soma asked, obviously bewildered.

"Important things! Go, go, go!" Eila shouted, laughing.

**YEAH-IT'S-GOING-WHERE-YOU-THINK-IT'S-GOING-BUT-GUESS-WHAT-WE'RE-GOING-BACK-TO-THE-CIRCUS-SO-NICE-TRY-FOOLS-WE-ARE-STILL-CAPABLE-OF-OUTSMARTING-YOU!**

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><p><strong>AN: **Yeah, so...not sure what to do for author's notes here. This chapter is pretty self-explanatory. But we found it pretty amusing. Love ya'll! And don't forget...

_..._


	19. Bad Ideas, Bad Ideas Everywhere

**A/N: **It's my birthday motherfuckers!

Well, no, technically that was on April Fools' Day. Also, Pyro is a horrible no good awful friend because she totally and completely forgot until literally just now as I was typing this. She has failed in her best friend duties beyond all comprehension. On the other hand, she's home in time for birthday dinner this weekend, so I'll forgive her. _This time._

Now, ignoring all my overly melodramatic weirdness and getting back to the story! Right, so for those of you who remember last chapter, Ravi is going to be getting entertainingly maternal in the near future. She's also going to be making Ciel uncomfortable and vaguely irritating Sebastian. Also, this chapter (and Eila's behaviour) accurately expalins why Pyro is never going to be allowed around my children until they're ten, at which time she will suddenly become Awesome Aunt Pyro.

* * *

><p>Ravi looked up at the rope high above them with distaste. "I'm not doing the tight-rope. I'm not."<p>

"Why?"

"I don't do heights." She replied, waving up at the tightrope nervously.

Joker snickered, and Sebastian smirked. "Of all the things in the world, you're afraid of heights?" He asked amusedly.

"Shut up you." She glanced up at the tightrope again, looking pale.

"Well let's see those acrobatics then." Decided Joker calmly.

She nodded and unbuckled her skirt, setting it aside carefully, to reveal the pants she'd been wearing when she first arrived in the sheep-herder's field. She took a deep breath and darted forward, moving quickly into a cartwheel and proceeding into a bunch of flips and turns without pause. By the time she'd looped around the tent and back to where Joker and everyone else were standing, she was breathing heavily, and her scarlet bangs had tumbled into her eyes. She watched Joker as he went over to discuss her performance with the others, still trying to steady her heartbeat. "Think they'll go for it?" She asked Sebastian and Ciel breathlessly.

"We'll see." Replied Sebastian, and Ciel just shrugged. He seemed to be sticking with the story that he didn't do much talking.

"Well I thought it was good." She defended, pouting slightly. "Although next time, I have to remember to put my hair up because I honestly couldn't see where the bloody hell I was going that whole time."

"Okay, we've pretty much made our choice, but we need one more really important test!" Exclaimed Joker, practically skipping over to the three of them. "Smile for us, Miss!"

Ravi lowered herself into an exaggerated curtsy and looked up, casting a glowing smile up at the circus workers.

Joker applauded. "Excellent! You're in!"

**WHELP.-THIS-IS-GOING-TO-GET-INTERESTING-ISN'T-IT?**

Soma laughed, hitting the cork ball across the dining room table and over the line of books down the center. "This is a lot more fun than chess!"

"Yes, it is." Eila attempted to hit the ball back towards him, accidentally ricocheting it to the far corner of the room. "…Whoops."

**MEANWHILE-AGNI-IS-HAVING-MORE-FUN-WITH-THE-GAME-THAN-HE-THINKS-HE-SHOULD-BE-AND-IS-ALSO-TRYING-TO-AVOID-GETTING-HIT-IN-THE-HEAD-BY-AN-INATTENTIVE-SOMA**

"Ooh, pretty!" Cooed Ravi happily, picking up a dress and holding it up to herself.

"I thought you only wore black." Commented Ciel sarcastically.

"I _like_ wearing black, but I also like colors." She replied loftily. "As long as it's not pink or anything like that." She set the dress back down in the trunk of spare clothes and picked up another one instead that was blood red and strapless. "This will probably work." She decided. "Ciel you should probably just act like a shy kid and hide behind me."

"And that's another thing!" He fumed angrily. "Why did you tell them I was your son?"

"Well, it's plausible, ain't it?"

"Not really!"

She sighed, glancing over her shoulder at him. "I needed some excuse to bring you in and not have you perform, or else it would've just been weird and suspicious. Besides, I doubt they actually think you're my son."

"Then how did your story make us less suspicious?" He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You don't get how these people think, do you?" She asked dryly. "You know, none of these people are probably siblings. They found each other and made a family for safety, so they found traditional family hierarchies to fit into as well. They'll just assume I did the same with you. Ya know, found you in the streets somewhere and took a shine to you so I kept you around." Ciel glared at her, but she ignored him. "Sebastian, you can probably just stay as you are. It looks enough like a schtick costume that they won't care. Just take this." She tossed a hat at him and he caught it as she started stripping out of her clothes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ciel panicked, his eyes widening as Ravi tossed aside her skirt and blouse carelessly, only bothering to tuck her pants carefully into a bag. "Are you really going to stand here naked in front of us?"

She glanced over her shoulder, smirking at him as she adjusted her bra deliberately. "No. I'm wearing panties." She laughed back. "Seriously, if it bothers you that much, turn around. I don't really care if you see my ass." She glanced down thoughtfully. "You know, I wonder if I could talk them into getting me some more henna, 'cause I should really play up this Indian thing."

Ciel was turning purple and he spun around quickly so he didn't have to watch her dress the rest of the way. "So what's the plan?" He asked, trying to distract himself. "Am I going to look around while you guys keep the circus people busy?"

"No, you're going to stay under the radar as much as possible and we'll improvise." She corrected gently. "It's best if we don't plan too much because plans will always go horribly, horribly wrong. We'll see if we can get two of us paired up in a tent so that we can back each other up. I'm dressed now, turn around, we have to go."

Ciel turned warily and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw she was telling the truth. The three of them headed back out into the main tent where the rest of the circus people were waiting, and Joker grinned his huge ring-master smile. "Everyone! From today on, we have some new friends! Newcomers Black and Rose, and their kid, Smile!" Ciel flinched slightly and Ravi tried not to laugh.

After a round of welcomes, Joker dragged them out on a tour or the grounds and eventually dropped them off at the practice tent. Ciel just hovered off to the side while Sebastian and Ravi started practicing their moves. Ravi just ignored Sebastian as he started showing off, and didn't look up from her flips again until she heard the name Suit being shouted out. She winced at the sight of William's awful suit and her eyes widened as William jumped down and attacked Sebastian.

At the phrase, 'devilish fiend', Ravi just burst out laughing at the irony, and everyone looked at her before laughing along. She cartwheeled over quickly and nudged Sebastian's hip gently. "He is, ain't he? I wouldn't much care for him if he wasn't, now would I?"

Everyone chuckled and went back to their practicing, and William glanced at her with a calculating look. "You do not belong in this realm." He said coldly. "What are you?" He asked as he turned his death scythe to aim at her.

"One motherfucking classy lady." She replied calmly, setting a finger against the pole of his scythe and pushing it away from her neck slowly. "And you, Sir, are blocking my path. I have some flips to do, if you don't mind." She pushed past him, and watched silently as the two of them walked outside together rather reluctantly and listening to Dagger laughing about Suit's 'joking'.

After a while, Joker returned to announce the room assignments. "For fairness, these are the result of a lottery, although we did have an odd number, so we added a third to one of the groups." He listed off the assignments, finishing with, "And in tent eight, we have Freckles and Smile and Rose. And in tent nine there's Black and Suit! Alright, now, everybody off to your tents, it's time to sleep!"

Ravi grabbed Ciel's hand, ignoring the glare he sent her and realizing that she was ignoring a lot lately, and dragged him over to Freckles. She tilted her head curiously. "So why two names?" She asked.

"I…I don't really like being on my own." Freckles admitted, smiling shyly. "How'd you know?"

"Well, you do show the same part of your face all the time, and I'm pretty good at recognizing people in costume." Answered Ravi, shrugging. She gestured to Ciel. "This is Smile, by the way, and I'm Rose, you were a bit busy earlier with the show and all."

"Nice to meet you!" Chirped Freckles happily. "C'mon, I'll show you to our place." Ravi and Ciel followed her through the maze of tents until they reached theirs. She paused as Ravi dropped her bag on the ground by the bunk bed. "Oh yeah…" She mused. "There's only two beds. Um…. Well, I guess Smile can share with me!"

Ciel stiffened and clung to Ravi's waist, exactly as he remembered doing to his father when he was much younger. Ravi laughed and ruffled his hair, earning a dark look. "That's alright, darlin', don't take it personal or nothin'. It was just us for a long time and he gets shy around strangers. I guess he'll stay with me. Mind if we take the bottom bunk?"

Freckles perked up. "Nope! I like the top better anyway! Night all!"

**MAMMOTH-RODERICK-THE-MIMMOTH-TO-BE-SPECIFIC.-A-MIMMOTH-IS-A-VERY-SMALL-MAMMOTH-BY-THE-WAY.-ABOUT-THE-SIZE-OF-A-PUG-AND-RODERICK-IS-MY-MIMMOTH-AND-HE-IS-FLUFFY-AND-ADORABLE**

"What's the score?" Agni asked, out of pure curiosity.

Eila grinned, completely missing the cork ball as it whizzed by her face and bounced into a far corner of the room. "Wait, we were supposed to keep score?" She asked innocently. "I was just treating this like some sort of tabletop Calvinball, only with organized rules."

"It's fun anyway," Soma decided, running off to find the ball. Upon returning, he asked, "What's Calvinball? Is that fun too?"

Eila resisted the urge to laugh. This was way too easy.

**CALVINBALL-YES-AS-IN-CALVIN-AND-HOBBES-FOR-THOSE-OF-YOU-UNFAMILIAR-WITH-THE-COMIC-THE-ONLY-ESTABLISHED-RULE-IS-THAT-YOU-CAN'T-PLAY-THE-SAME-WAY-TWICE**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **So yeah, I never want to come home from date night with the husband and have my kids run up to me and say "Guess what Auntie Pyro taught us today!" because that will never be a good thing. Anywhosawhatsit, can you start to see the patterns here? With Ravi treating the circus to her special brand of crazy, and Eila encouraging Soma's bad habits, these next few chapters are going to be...well, let's just say _fun to write_.


	20. A Great Lack of Propriety

**A/N: **So we know it's been ages since we updated and that 's mostly because Pyro didn't come home for ages and then when she did I was freaking out over exams. Anyway, as well as adding this chapter, we fixed the chapter called _In Which Sebastian Is Suddenly A Father_ so that now the title actually make sense. If you haven't read it yet, go back and check out the last half of that chapter so that things make a little more sense.

See, honestly, this is just more proof that we shouldn't be able to post after two in the morning. We _always_ mess it up somehow.

Anyway, have fun with this latest installment of the story, we promise to update again in more short order than previously. The next chapter should be up in a couple of weeks. We're almost to the Murder Arc guys! And we have gotten some concern from readers about moving too quickly through the Circus Arc, but Pyro and I have agreed that we're not comfortable doing too much with it since it's hard to make room for creative license without irrevocably screwing up the actual plot line.

* * *

><p>Ravi blinked awake to the feeling that something was utterly and most certainly wrong. It took her a moment to figure out what it was, but when she did she winced inwardly. Ciel was wrapped around her tightly and without any semblance of dignity, and she was fast overheating from full-body contact. And on top of it all, she knew that this would get extremely awkward as soon Ciel woke up and realized that he was being cuddly and distinctly non-Earl-like.<p>

Just then, a head hung down over the edge of the bed and Freckles grinned widely. "Cuddly, ain't ya?" She giggled.

"Not usually." Explained Ravi weakly. "This is weird. And...uncomfortable..."

"Why?" Asked Freckles innocently.

"Because I do not like cuddling, not at all, not even a little teeny tiny bit." She muttered. "Get off please, get off, get off!"

Freckles grinned. "Here! I'll get him!" She rolled off and grabbed Ciel by the shoulder. "Wake up Smile!"

Ciel jerked awake with a strangled gasp and his hand leapt to his face. When he was more awake, he glared over at Ravi. "What did you do?" He growled.

Ravi placed her hands on her hips. "I," She enunciated clearly. "Didn't do anything. You grabbed me in the middle of the night mister. And Freckles is standing right behind you. Now get over here and let me help you get dressed."

Ciel stayed put for a minute before obeying and Ravi grabbed his eye patch, tying it behind his head gently. "I don't cuddle." He grumbled under his breath, almost too quietly for anyone to hear, and Ravi just smirked.

A few minutes later, the three of them were in the dining hall and Ravi was patiently helping Ciel peel potatoes that would actually be edible for breakfast. Despite Ciel initially resisting and trying to actually do something for himself, he eventually let her direct him without too much complaining. When breakfast was actually ready to eat, she sent him off a little early to grab some food before the stampede happened and fought through the crowd herself for a plate. When she dropped down in her seat across from Ciel, she glared at him darkly. "Eat." She directed icily, pointing at his plate with her fork. His eyes widened and he turned to his plate, but she could hear him mumbling sassily under his breath.

"So..." Freckles watched the two of them as she shoveled food into her mouth. "Where're you guys from?"

Ciel opened his mouth to reply, but Ravi got there first. "East End." She said around a bit of potatoes. "Been there all my life, only took the trouble to leave once this one showed up outside my corner of the alley. Been working as a maid of late."

"That's a good gig." Observed Freckles. "Why'd you leave for here then?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, Black's not exactly hard on the eyes." Pointed out Ravi conspiratorially, making Ciel choke on his potatoes. "The mistress didn't approve, so...here we are."

"Huh." Freckles paused and then bounced back cheerfully. "Well, glad you're here! C'mon, we better make it to the showers before everyone else takes over and then we can get to practice!" She grabbed Ravi by the arm and ran, leaving Ciel to finish his breakfast.

"Whoa, okay!" Ravi was surprised that Freckles was managing to drag her most of the way to the showers, and she felt more amused at that than anything else. But once they arrived, her smile faded. The showers were already getting crowded. And there were lots of people, not all of them female, using them. "Um…Freckles?" She asked weakly. "Is there any chance I can just wait until later when it's more empty?"

"Are you kidding?" Freckles grinned, not noticing Ravi's concern. "This is practically a free run! It'll only get more crowded. Oh, hey Beast!"

Freckles trotted off and Ravi frowned. This would be interesting.

**FLUFF-FLUFFLEBUTTS-I-SHOULD-PROBABLY-EXPLAIN-THAT-IT'S-WHAT-I-CALL-MY-DOG-WHEN-SHE'S-BEING-STUPIDLY-CUTE-WHICH-IS-USUALLY-SO-…-YEAH-THAT'S-WHERE-FLUFFLEBUTTS-COMES-FROM**

"New rule! New rule! You have to do an elephant impression if you're going to tag Agni!" Soma shouted. He'd gotten the hang of Calvinball pretty quickly.

"What?" Agni had not.

"You heard him, blondie!" Eila shouted, before trumpeting in a truly pathetic elephant impression and lobbing the ball at him.

"Elephants don't sound like that," Soma protested.

Eila shrugged. "Not like I've had a chance to hear that many elephants…"

Soma paused. "Okay, then, it's acceptable. Agni, you're it!"

**HAS-ANYBODY-ELSE-NOTICED-THAT-WE-SEEM-TO-LIKE-CALLING-AGNI-BLONDIE?-I-DIDN'T-UNTIL-JUST-NOW…..-THIS-COULD-GET WEIRD…**

"Okay, so I am naked in front of lots of strangers and this water is _excruciatingly_ cold and honestly right now I would gladly put up with the accompanying back issues for just half of that woman's boobs, goddamn my Indian heritage, why couldn't I get the decently proportioned version?"

"Why are you even looking?" Asked Beast, raising an eyebrow at Ravi.

"Well, it's not like they're easy to miss or anything, and I already have inadequacy issues on that matter. If I wear a tight enough shirt, I look like a twelve year old boy." Retorted Ravi, frowning slightly. She glared down at her belly where she'd just taken the time to redo most of her henna. "Also, people keep staring at my ink."

"It's really pretty." Offered Beast, not unkindly, and Ravi smiled at her gratefully. "How do you do that?"

Ravi shrugged. "Well, I usually draw on the designs first, and then I mix the henna up and draw over it. It's traditional and stuff so I just figured I'd play it up for performance reasons."

"That makes sense." Agreed Beast. "I do the same sort of thing with my outfits." She paused and then edged closer, murmuring conspiratorially. "Do you have any idea how uncomfortable leather is?"

Ravi leaned back, grinning. "I actually do, particularly when it's supposed to be worn underneath your clothing. But hey, we're just trying to keep the audience entertained, right?"

Beast laughed, and Ravi smiled. So now Beast didn't completely hate her. That could be useful. Maybe she could even manage to avoid Sebastian doing unspeakably ungentlemanly things to Beast in the near future. On the other hand, she could have done that anyway just by telling him in the first place before he tried anything. On the other hand, he was a demon, and she couldn't really compl….

She stopped. She really needed to stop thinking about this.

**THE-REACTION-THAT-SCENE-GOT-WITH-US-WAS-FOR-BOTH-OF-US-TO-STOP-AND-STARE-AND-THEN-START-SCREAMING-AT-SEBASTIAN-AND-CALLING-HIM-A-MOST-IMPROPER-ASS**

Ravi watched Sebastian and William attempt to perform together with amusement, thinking through her plans. She'd already decided that she had to alleviate tension and provide distractions from Ciel and Sebastian, so she had a fairly good idea of how to keep the circus members from wondering why Ciel was near Snake's tent. At this point it was all a matter of timing and her personal acting skills. Thank god for drama class.

As the two immortals finished up their extremely uncomfortable performance, Ravi noticed Beast slipping off while attempting to keep her breasts contained in her broken clothes. It was about time to start then. She started looking around a bit anxiously, but acting like she was trying to keep a low profile. Doll leaned over, frowning slightly. "What's wrong?"

"Can't find Smile." She muttered back. "I thought he was around here somewhere."

"Well, he can't have got far, now can he?" Asked Doll, now looking very concerned.

Ravi shrugged. "Dunno. I mean, it's not like he knows his way in this place." She was looking around a bit more frantically now. "I've gotta go find 'im, Doll, he don't do well on his own!"

Doll nodded determinedly. "My show's done. I'll come with you." She agreed. The two girls left the main tent surreptitiously. "We should probably split up, we'll cover more ground." Suggested Doll. "I'll look in the Main Cast area, just in case he wandered too far."

The Indian girl smiled gratefully. "Thanks. Dunno what I'd do without you, Doll."

"S'okay. We'll find your boy, Rose, don't worry."

It took a while of 'searching', but then Doll thought to offer to check the first tier section of tents, and when she came back she was holding Ciel's hand. As soon as he spotted Ravi, Ciel glared at her for a moment, and then pretended to start crying. "R...Rose!" He sobbed, running over to her and hugging her tightly. "If you weren't so useful, I'd kill you for that stunt." He muttered at her.

"I know, Smile, I know." Ravi agreed patiently, patting his head. "Believe me, I know."

**WELL-WELL-WELL-LOOK-WHAT-WE'VE-GOT-HERE-RAVI'S-GOING-ALL-MATERNAL-AT-PEOPLE-AND-ALSO-PUSHING-THE-PLOT-ALONG-WOW-NEVER-SAW-THAT-COMING-ANYWAY-ON-TO-SHENANIGANS.**

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><p><strong>AN:** Yay! So this is up, and for anyone who's confused about Ravi being so weirdly maternal, please remember that she does have a little brother. Also, Katelyn wishes to inform you all that, though she's not sure if she and Pyro will be able to fit it into the plot line, Ravi's background is that she was adopted off the East End of London by her parents before they moved to the U.S. and into Eila's neighborhood, so we figure she's got plenty of maternal instinct on that part and just chooses to ignore them usually.

Also, here's an actual conversation that happened during the writing of this chapter.

Ravi (typing up the part about Sebastian and Beast): Haha, this is great.

Pyro: Get your mind out of the gutter Ravi!

Ravi: Not until you stop writing alien porn!

Pyro: No regrets!

Yes, Pyro actually does write alien porn. Don't ask, you don't want to know. She won't let me read it yet (keyword: yet) but I have no doubt it's quite interestingly and clinically specific.


	21. Suddenly Backstories

**A/N: **So we're finally back! After a long break due to me being busy, Pyro having technical difficulties, and yes, in reality I'm just making excuses and there was absolutely no issue except for that Pyro kept forgetting her flashdrive and I was too lazy to go over there and write at her house. So yeah, sorry. But we are writing again, we are updating and we're back in the swing of things and leaving the Circus Arc behind. As much as we love to read that arc, it's a bitch to write, and the real fun was supposed to happen with the next two arcs anyway. So enjoy, hope you've stuck with us through our unplanned hiatus and that you'll keep with us now.

* * *

><p>Music filled the dark room, sounding unusually loud in the silence. Eila couldn't see much of anything, but all pianos were basically the same, so it didn't pose too much of an issue. She'd gone too long without playing. It bothered her that some of the songs she knew weren't coming back as easily as they should have-<p>

"Why are you playing music in the middle of the night?" Agni asked from the doorway, causing Eila to stop playing in a sudden cacophony of notes.

"Oh. Sorry, did I wake you up?" She asked sheepishly, glancing over to Agni.

He shook his head. "It is not an issue. I wake easily. What were you playing?"

Eila glanced from Agni, to the piano, and back to Agni. She was pretty sure that just saying 'Alejandro' would just cause more questions than anything, and 'Lady Gaga' would be even worse. "I was... just kind of making it up as I went along?" She offered, going for the 'blatant lies' option.

Apparently Agni bought it, though. "Really? It sounded very good!" He replied, seeming completely earnest. "A bit unusual, but very good. But you never did say _why_ you decided to compose a song in the middle of the night."

The girl stopped, thinking for a moment. "I'm not really sure. Would you believe I miss Ravi? I mean we were both on our own in a strange town for a really long time and then we finally found each other so we could be...I don't know...more familiar with something and not so confused all the time. So now that it's just me and a bunch of strangers I'm having trouble sleeping."

Agni looked surprised. "That was...impressively honest, Miss Eila."

"Please don't call me Miss, it makes me feel old." Sighed Eila. "And I tend to get that way when it's late. It's what Ravi calls our "but...uh...stupid o'clock discussions'." She corrected herself mid-word, realizing that Agni would probably neither appreciate nor understand the concept of 'butts o'clock' conversations.

"You two are very good friends." Agni nodded sagely. "I have noticed this."

"Yeah, you could say that." Agreed Eila with a shrug. "More like friends by necessity at first actually. But by now we just know each other so well that I'm pretty sure it's impossible for us not to be friends. Of course," She began thoughtfully. "If we ever became enemies, I'd be afraid to see what would happen. I think the world would implode and decapitate everyone within a six billion mile radius. I could be exaggerating a bit there."

"Yes, that...that would be bad." Agni didn't seem quite sure whether or not she was serious. "How did you two meet anyway?"

"Huh." Eila stopped for a minute, staring at him. "You know, I actually don't remember! Weird."

**HEY-DO-YOU-GUYS-KNOW-WHAT-HAPPENS-WHEN-YOU-TAKE-A-BUNCH-OF-ALIENS-TO-AN-INDIAN-RESTUARANT?-YEAH-WE-DON'T-EITHER-BUT-UNFORTUNATELY-WE-HAVE-TO-FIND-OUT-AND-SOON**

Sebastian ducked out of Beast's tent in the middle of the night, glancing around surreptitiously. As soon as he noted that the coast was clear, he headed back for his tent, mulling over the information that Beast had just given him. He was just approaching his own tent when he heard the sound of a slow, quiet clap.

"Well done, sir, most impressive." Came a voice from the figure seated near his tent door, and when he looked up, Ravi was grinning at him wryly.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see if you'd actually go through with it." She replied. "You did."

Sebastian stared at her for a moment. He was getting rather sick of all this 'psychic' nonsense. Obviously, if these girls were non-magical, psychic visions were out of the question, and their insistence on the lie only caused them trouble. "I'm quite sick of your interfering." He told her bluntly as he turned on his heel. He expected her to follow him as he walked out towards the empty shower area, and the crunching footsteps behind made him smirk. Predictable humans. "Really, this is quite enough, you and your friend are going to cause the young master and myself a lot of trouble, and it's my job to ensure that trouble is kept at a minimum. So we're going to have a few words, Miss Jones."

Ravi rolled her eyes. "I told you, demon boy, psychics. It's normal where we come from which is why we don't seem unusu..."

"And where exactly _are_ you from, Miss Jones?" interrupted Sebastian. "Because it certainly isn't from around here."

She stared at him blankly for a moment, wondering exactly how much lying she could get away with. She doubted it was very much. So option two was basically overloading the guy with information. "Well, actually, I _am_ from around here. Literally. I mean, I grew up in the East End, with all the other street kids. Which is sort of why I have a boy's name, I didn't really think it mattered. Then when I was about six, I got...adopted, I guess it was, and my new parents brought me to America. That's where I met Eila. Our families were really good friends, and so we wound up spending a lot of time together, and since we were both pretty much loners we stuck together. Then my mom finally managed to get pregnant with my brother, and Eila and I both moved out on our own, and we wound up here somehow. But basically, yeah, we are from exactly around here."

"Now I know you're stalling." Sighed the demon, shaking his head. "You'd never willingly give out that much personal information."

_Damn_, thought Ravi, _forgot he doesn't overload easily_. "Yeah, well, I really just don't think you're going to like what I have to say about where we come from. Although, in fairness, everything I just said is true."

"Regardless, I wish to know where you truly come from so that we may send you both back as quickly as possible."

Ravi shifted her weight uncomfortably. "Yeah, that might be hard." She hedged. "See, we come from this world, only not this time frame, and...well...all of this, you, Ciel, the Phantomhives, everything...it's all fictional."

"Fictional." Repeated Sebastian, incredulously. "Really?"

"Yes, fictional." Ravi agreed, feeling somewhat impatient at this point. If she was going to have to explain all this stuff that made her head hurt, she certainly didn't want to repeat herself. "We're from 2012, and there's this series, like books, that tell your story. Eila and I loved it, we read every one. So yeah, that's why we know so much about it. I just didn't exactly think Ciel would react well to being called fictional, do you?"

Sebastian nodded in agreement. "No, I do not believe he would." He thought for a moment. "And it's hardly the first time that history has been regarded as fiction, most especially history that the human race is uncomfortable with. So I would not be surprised if that were the case here. And you are certainly correct in assuming it will be difficult to return you to your own time. Even I, as a demon, haven't the slightest idea how to time-travel."

They were both quiet for a moment as Sebastian thought over his influx of information and Ravi reminded herself that all this was _probably_ her fault to begin with, and she was something of a crappy excuse for a scientist if she couldn't even remember how to recreate her experiment. "So you should probably go check out whatever the hell Beast told you, right?"

"Couldn't you just tell me where it will lead?" Asked Sebastian wryly.

Ravi shrugged. "Honestly, I can't remember the guy's name for the life of me. But I can tell you that it won't be pretty. I tell you anything more than that, and I risk narrative casualty being destroyed and then we're in uncharted territory."

"What about everything you've done to affect the story so far?" He gave her a weird look.

"That was all fairly minor. The point of narrative casualty is that there are some things in the story which just shouldn't be altered, otherwise you can kind of break down the plot completely, in other words, you destroy everything. The thing with the Piper...Yeah, it's big enough that if we tried to change it, we could do some serious damage. Not that it doesn't do enough damage of its own, just...ours would be bad. All I can tell you is that you need to be prepared to be Ciel's fixer pretty soon. He's going to need it."

**SO-THIS-IS-THE-CHAPTER-OF-SOLOMN-BACKSTORIES-DID-YOU-CATCH-THAT-BIT-YET?**

"...so yeah, that's how Ravi and I met." Finished Eila, nodding to herself decisively. "At least, I'm pretty sure it is."

Agni glanced at her amusedly. "I suppose that is part of being friends for so long. Forgetting exactly how it all started."

"Yeah, probably." Eila agreed. "But on the other hand, unless it's some massive life-changing event, I'm not very likely to remember first meetings, and by the time I bother wondering because we've known each other a while, I've already forgotten how it happened."

"So do you remember how you met me?"

"You picked me up by the back of my dress, dude, that' kind of hard to forget." She pointed out wryly. "I'm not that easy to pick up!"

He shrugged. "It wasn't exactly easy, but I have the strength to do what is necessary for my Prince."

"You're so calm about that."

**FACE-FACEPALM-PALMSPRINGS-SPRINGSTEP-STEPPINGSTONES-STONEWORK-WORKWEEK-WEEKEND**

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><p><strong>AN:** It's true, Pyro really never does remember when she met people. We still have no idea exactly how we met, just that she kind of scared the shit out of me, and she kind of thought I was boring. But then we got stuck in class together and started getting along famously. She still doesn't understand why I, and all our other friends, thought she was intimidating upon our first meeting.

Also, on another Pyro note, she doesn't believe we actually have fans, despite 60 followers, 45 alerts, 130 reviews, and 3000 viewers. She doesn't believe that many of you continue messaging me after commenting on our story and that many of you have demanded updates when we are lazy for more than a month or so. I suggest you all start picking on her for that since she's the one with the flashdrive and the story, and all I can do is copy and paste it into the damn internet page. Or just comment telling her that there's more than 3 of you who pay any attention to this story. She thinks there's no more than three. I'm thinking there's at least five. Prove us wrong, please.


End file.
